THANKS FOR TUNA-ING IN TO A NEW SEASON OF THE CHEF G. COOKING CHANNEL

Hi folks, it's me, Chef G.  All you fans of my cooking channel probably noticed I took the whole summer off.  Big stars like Jimmy Kimmel and me can do that.  Unlike Jimmy, however, I wasn't comfortable leaving my wildly popular blog in the hands of guest hosts, so I shut down the entire operation.

The good news is that I'm back in a big way.  I've got some new & exciting recipes, some new & exciting food related anecdotes, some new & exciting food facts, and a new & exciting moniker.  That's right, I'm no longer known simply as "Chef G."  I've upgraded myself to "The Unbelievable Chef G."

I even have a new and exciting chef's hat.

(Don't be thinking "unbelievable" means my brilliant cooking & writing can't be believed.  No, in this case, it means most people cannot believe how much of a cooking genius I am.)

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Most of my previous episodes have concentrated on pig meat, cow meat, and poultry meat.  My only foray into the world of fish meat on this blog was a delicious salmon fillet.  That was over a year ago.  I think it's about time I revisit the world of fish. 

I do so with some trepidation though.  Fish is the most difficult meat to cook properly.  Undercooked fish is slimy; overcooked fish is dry and flavorless.  Therefore, temperature control, timing, and technique are of the utmost importance.  There is very little room for error, and it would be extremely embarrassing for a celebrity chef like me to screw up a nice piece of fish on a worldwide cooking network.  I am motivated to try for perfection.

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I like a wide variety of fish from rivers and freshwater lakes, but today I am going to prepare some meat from the Atlantic Ocean--a fresh, ruby red, wild-caught chunk of yellowfin (Ahi) tuna.  I hope I don't fail.

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Did you know that most of the tuna eaten worldwide comes in tin cans--especially in Europe, Japan, and Australia?  And 88% of Americans eat canned tuna on a regular basis?  And canned tuna is not necessarily 100% tuna?  And a ridiculously small number of us buy fresh, hand-caught tuna?  And real tuna is far from "chicken of the sea," but more like "steak of the sea?"

It's true.  When you grill a nice slab of tuna, you come to realize it really is more like a nice chunk of beefsteak than like a canister of minced chicken.

Like steak tartare, real good tuna can be eaten raw.  Tuna is my favorite sushi!  Mmmm.  I would never eat raw chicken!  Would you?

Most people buy their tuna in this grocery store aisle.

Sometimes that tuna will be eaten straight out of the can.  More commonly it will be mixed with mayonnaise and spread between two slices of bread as a tuna salad sandwich.  Another popular dish is mixing a can of tuna with a box of ingredients called "Tuna Helper."

I must admit, Mrs. Chef G. and I used to eat Hamburger Helper on occasion when we were a young couple without a lot of money, but Tuna Helper was too much for us to handle.

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I seasoned my piece of fresh tuna with paprika, salt and pepper before putting it over hot coals.  I'll grill it on each side for about five minutes, which should be perfect.  My mouth was watering.

It looks like a human heart.  NICE!

Following my instincts as a professional chef, I turned the tuna steak over at the five minute mark.

I'm not going to gloss this over.  I went back inside my house to watch the last few minutes of an episode of The Office on TV.  I lost track of time, and my worst nightmare came true:  I overcooked the tuna steak.  The insides should be red, not gray.  There is no way you could chastise me as much as I chastised myself.  Still, it turned out OK, but OK is NOT what I was striving for.

Luckily, I was able to redeem myself with the presentation.  The salad greens improved the plate considerably.  (So did the fallen leaves in the background.)

I also appreciated that a red maple leaf fell onto the plate just before I snapped this photo.  I think I'll eat it.

  

Raspberry vinegarette added a little color, and Diggity forgave me for overcooking the tuna.  He got a few pieces as reward.

A STEAK? OR A DEADLY WEAPON?

Hi folks, Chef G. here.  Today's offering is easily the most dangerous dish ever prepared on The Chef G. Cooking Channel, so I don't have time for the tomfoolery that usually goes on in my introductory segments.  Let's get right down to business, shall we?

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Yesterday, I went to a place that I find quite fascinating.  The place is called "Cossetta's" and it's an Italian food complex that takes up about half of a city block in downtown St. Paul.  It includes a pizzeria, an antipasto bar, a full-fledged Italian restaurant, great crusty breads from the in-house bakery, and a little alimentari (market).  Is it any wonder that an ersatz celebrity chef like me would be attracted to such a place?

The alimentari was the focus of today's visit.  When not dealing with customers, many of the employees speak Italian to each other.  It has some really cool stuff.  My favorite section was the olive oil aisle.  It has something like 100 varieties of imported olive oil, some of which are over $100 dollars a bottle.  Some of the olive oils are sold in gallon-sized tins that resemble the gallon-sized containers of highly flammable, highly toxic solvents I used to sell before I retired from the world's largest paint company. 

The alimentari also has a small, but very enticing, butcher shop.  I perused the fine looking meats, doing my best to control my drooling.  After much hesitation, I finally decided to splurge on a $60 chunk of meat.

That was very uncharacteristic of me.  After all, I pride myself on being a Chef of the Common Man.  But, damn, it was so well-marbled, so exotic, so beautiful . . . and so DANGEROUS!

It's a bone-in ribeye--sometimes called a Tomahawk Steak.  I call it a Three-Pound Sledge Hammer.  You could crack a skull with this thing.

I took great care while handling the steak, lest I crack my own skull.  My greater fear, however, was having such an expensive steak and not cooking it to perfection.  I shouldn't have worried.  Not even I could ruin a 3-inch thick chunk of prime beef. 

Here's how I did it:

I carefully unwrapped the bludgeon and put it on a broiler pan.  

 

I let it warm to room temperature.  Then I seasoned it liberally with sea salt and freshly ground black pepper while waiting for the oven to heat up to "broil."

Sear the steak under direct heat for 3 minutes on each side.  They say that will lock in the delicious juices.  Sounds good to me.

After the searing, turn the oven down to 275-degrees and cook for another 20-minutes.  When you pull it out, the billyclub should look something like this.

It looks good enough to dig in right now.  But DON'T DO IT!

You must--YOU MUST--cover your giant caveman steak under an aluminum foil tent.  The meat will continue to cook in there and distribute its juices for another ten minutes.

Then you can start slicing up your tomahawk to serve your guests.  In this case, my guests were me and Mrs. Chef G.  We barely ate half of that monstrosity.  Luckily, we both love cold steak the next day.

Steak and a tossed salad with green stuff, cucumbers, carrots, and dressing.  That's all you need.

I know there are a lot of pictures of meat here.  I also know I have legions of vegetarian fans.  To you folks, I apologize.  I'm a vegetarian in spirit, but a carnivore by nature.  For more on that, you can go back and read about my meat-atarianism. https://chefgcooks.blogspot.com/2021/04/confessions-of-meat-eater.html

STEAK TACOS: FUN FOOD FOR FANATICAL FOOTBALL FANS

Hi folks, Chef G. here, and welcome to a very special celebration here on The Chef G. Cooking Channel.  That's right, today I'm celebrating my 30th installment on this amazingly ridiculous blog!  In addition, it is Super Bowl Sunday.  Plus, it's been a month since I've delighted you with one of my wonderfully bizarre cooking episodes.  I'm glad (and surprised) to see you've come back for more. 

Fanatical football fans . . . sheesh!  I was one of them in my teen-age years.  Back then, I watched every football game that aired on television.  I could name the starting line-up for every NFL team.  I collected all of their football cards and studied the statistics contained therein.  One of the most devastating days of the first 20 years of my life was January 11, 1970.  That's the infamous date in which the Kansas City Chiefs defeated my beloved Minnesota Vikings in Super Bowl IV.

My football fanaticism has decreased quite a bit since those days.  About the only games I watch now are the ones in which I root for the Viking to win and the ones in which I root for their arch-rival--the Green Bay Packers--to lose.  I do have to admit, however, that some of my intensity increases during the NFL playoffs.  That's when my fanaticism turns to the kind of fun food to make for the ultimate contest--The Super Bowl.  

When the Vikings aren't in the Super Bowl, which has been the case every year for about four decades now, I generally don't give a rat's ass who wins the big game.  Such is the case again this year.

I'll watch the game, of course, but my real Super Bowl fun is in the food.  I've made chili, chicken wings, nachos, jambalaya, a shrimp boil, pizza, and other fun foods in the past.  This year I'm going with Tacos.  Not Taco Bell-style tacos, though.  They'll be more like the tacos you buy from the window of a ramshackle taco truck. 

Chef G's Ramshackle Taco Truck

I started by chopping up 1-1/2 lbs. of sirloin steak into small chunks and putting them into a bowl. I added a tablespoon of olive oil, two tablespoons of soy sauce, two tablespoons of lime juice, two teaspoons of chili powder, one teaspoon of ground cumin, and two cloves of minced garlic.  Then I thoroughly mixed all that stuff up with my hands and transferred it to a zip-lock bag and put the mixture in the refrigerator.

After two hours in the fridge, pour the mixture into a pan and stir fry over medium-high heat for about 5-6 minutes.  Then turn the heat down to Low.

By the time I chopped up some tomato, onion and cilantro, the simmering steak was ready for me to assemble the tacos.

The assembly involves nothing more than spooning some steak onto corn tortillas and topping it with the diced onions, tomatoes, and cilantro.

Almost too pretty to eat

The Los Angeles Rams vs. The Cincinnati Bengals.  I suppose I'll root for Cincinnati because I view the Rams as being the Yankees of the NFL.  On the other hand, I've always liked their quarterback, Matthew Stafford.  But who cares?  The real highlight will be the food. 

Who cares?

Oh, if only the Vikings were playing!

BOEUF BOURGUIGNON A L'ETAT DU WISCONSIN

Hi folks, my name is Chef G and I'm the awesome star of this cooking show.  I'm a bragger, I know that.  Some people call me "The Host With the Most Boast."  It's true!  That aside, I'm excited to be your master of ceremonies for this very special episode because it brings me back to my French roots.

As you know, the French are famous for practically inventing the art of fine dining.  Look at some of the most important words in the lexicon of cooking--gourmet, gourmand, haute cuisine, bon appetit, au jus, a la mode, prix fixe, sous chef, saute, soupcon, sommelier, a la carte, roux--they're all French terms.  

French chefs have a big advantage over chefs from any other country.  Their language can make ordinary food sound beautiful.  For example:  Baked chicken wings are Ailes de poulet au four.

Even more impressive is how they can make the most disgusting dishes you can think of sound like exquisite delicacies:  Escargots et vers sautes a la graisse de porc.  (Snails and worms fried in pig fat.)

The same is true for the dish I am making today.  Basically, Boeuf Bourguignon is a fancy name for chunks of cow meat stewed in wine.

In true French snobbery, the wine must come from the Burgundy (Bourgogne) region of France.  I guess that area is pretty famous for wine grapes and wine production.  Good for them, but I will not be using French wine for today's dish.

Wisconsin is pretty famous for wine making too--at least in Wisconsin.  And a couple days ago I received a bottle of cooking wine from Door County, Wisconsin as a gift.  I could not wait to try it out.

Normally, I do not cook with wine.  In fact, I've NEVER cooked with wine.  Beer yes, wine no.  But I'm all for expanding my horizons--especially since my recently married friends, Jose' and Mary, gave me this bottle.

It's a cooking wine made from Cabernet Sauvignon grapes that were grown in my neighboring state of Wisconsin.  The wine was not the only adaptation I made for my rendition of what we in the mid-west call "beef stew."

I went to the internet to find some recipes for boeuf bourguignon, which is the only dish I could think of that uses wine.  As per usual, I adapted the best features from several of those recipes to create the incredible Chef G. recipe you are about to see.

Let's start with the ingredients:

Clockwise from the top: boeuf bouillon, porc bacon, chunks of boeuf.

Clockwise from the beer (which was consumed for fun, but not used in the recipe):  Salt, Door County Chef's Wine, flour, Italian egg noodles, black pepper, onions, bay leaves, thyme, carrots, garlic, mushrooms.  (Not pictured: tomato paste)

To begin, you'll want to put three strips of chopped up bacon into a cast iron pot.  Heat it up until the bacon renders its fat.  Add a full cup of coarsely chopped onion and saute for about five minutes.  Add two cloves of smooshed garlic and saute for another five minutes.  Then transfer the onion and garlic to a bowl.

Onions, garlic, bacon.  (French chefs use pearl onions.  I hate pearl onions.)

Add two pounds of top sirloin, which you've cut into 1" chunks, into the same cast iron pot.  Cook and stir for about 2 minutes on each side.  Sprinkle 2 tablespoons of flour, 1/2 teaspoon of thyme, and lots of salt and pepper over the boeuf.  Stir thoroughly.  Add 1 tablespoon of tomato paste and stir thoroughly again.

Here is where you get to use the Door County cooking wine.  (Note: If you don't have access to Door County cooking wine, I suppose you could use some of that French Burgundy stuff . . . or even a decent Cabernet or Pinot Noir.  Heck, use Mad Dog 20-20 if you want.  I'm not a stickler.  Truth be told, I don't know wine from Shinola.)

Pour one cup of Door County Cabernet cooking wine and one cup of boeuf broth into the pot and stir well.  Bring the concoction to a boil, cover the pot, then reduce heat and simmer for two hours.

After the two hours, return the onions and garlic to the pot.  Add two carrots which have been chopped up into large pieces and 8 ounces of sliced fresh mushrooms.  I cannot emphasize enough that you MUST NOT use canned mushrooms.  Enough said.  

Simmer all that stuff for another 40 minutes.  In the meantime, cook about 12 oz. of egg noodles according to package directions.  Make them al dente.

Does that look like a work of art, or what?  If there is a heaven, Julia Childs and Jacque Pepin are probably drooling over this boeuf bourguignon a l'etat du Wisconsin recipe right now.

To serve, spoon some Wisconsin beef stew over a bunch of noodles.

Holy crap!  You'll be amazed at how tender the boeuf is and how flavorful the other ingredients are.  Bon Apetit!