COOL CHEF COOKS COOL DISH, PART 2: The Outlaw Chef G.

Hi folks, Chef G. here, and I'm as happy as an innocent man who escaped police custody to be here for this Chef G. Cooking Channel presentation.  In case you're not one of the millions of fans who watched the last episode of my brilliant cooking show, I actually was an innocent man taken into custody. I'll bring you up to date. 

When I was concluding my post about a cool, light, and refreshing salad, I was about to reveal the cool, light and refreshing dish I was planning to make next time.  Suddenly, a horde of masked law enforcement personnel burst onto the scene, cut off my broadcast, and arrested me for "treason."

 I've been sensing a revolution at the Chef G. Cooking Channel for a while now.  Just look at how the network bigwigs brought in a substitute host recently.  I mean, really, a substitute for ME--the finest celebrity chef in my neighborhood.  And don't forget how they forced me to star in some of the stupidest advertisements in internet history, just to raise a little revenue. It's all about money for those bastards.

 Or is it something more nefarious?  Something like a conspiracy to humiliate me, make me look like a sell-out, tarnish my noble reputation, and oust me from my position as the face of The Chef G. Cooking Channel? 

I know who they are. They're a cabal of oligarchs, right wing celebrity chefs who are jealous of my success, and a couple of rogue Chef G. Cooking Channel producers.  Their goal is to silence my liberal cooking philosophy, and to permanently remove me from my own show and replace me with their KING who adheres to the "Cooking Project 2025."

 The worst part is that their leader seems to be a little unhinged.  Yup, even more unhinged than ME.

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Despite their unconstitutional efforts, I am back to cook again.  I used my strongly strong strength to break the handcuffs and escape the custody of the secret police.  A few days later, I reunited with my camera crew who fully supports my free speech rights to share my cooking genius with the entire world.  

Thanks to my one-man camera crew, I am able to broadcast this episode from an undisclosed location.

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SPRING ROLLS

A long time ago, Son of Chef G. made spring rolls for Mrs. Chef G. and me. They were delicious.  I can't believe it took me more than two decades to make a batch of them myself.  I might never have made them had I not been looking for a dish that was "cool, light & refreshing" last week.  Spring rolls require quite a bit of work, and today I had more time than I had last week when I settled for a delicious salad.

I learned spring rolls are a very versatile dish.  The only requirement is a package of rice papers.  Beyond that, you can wrap pretty much any kind of chopped meats and/or vegetables inside the rice paper.  Then you can serve them cold, or you can steam them, or you can fry them, or you can bake them.  

Here is a photodocumentary about how I made Chef G-Style Spring Rolls.

 

The first thing you need is a package of spring roll wrappers, aka, rice paper.

Then you can chop up pretty much any kind of meat and vegetables you want to put inside the wrapper.  I used ground pork, carrot, cabbage, green onion, red pepper flakes, garlic and ginger.  I mixed them all together with a little soy sauce and hoisin sauce.

Another ingredient you'll want is rice vermicelli.  I added that to my meat/veggie/sauce mix.

Dip one of the rice papers in water to make it more pliable.  Fill it with 2 or 3 tablespoons of the meat/vegetable mixture.  Fold the ends toward the middle and roll it up from the bottom like a burrito.

This is what they'll look like.  I served half of them cold.  They were delicious.

 

I fried the other half.  They didn't turn out so good.  They fell apart on me.  Maybe I need a little more practice in the art of deep frying.

I forgot to mention that I mixed up a dipping sauce for the fried spring rolls.  I also forgot how I made it.

Technically, I'm still a fugitive.  The good news is that I LIKE being a fugitive.  It adds a little excitement to my life, and I cannot wait to transmit my next episode from another secret location somewhere in the world.

    

Cool Chef Cooks Cool Dish

 

Hi folks, Chef G. here, and I'm as happy as an upside-down Wes Anderson fan to be back with another episode of the Chef G. Cooking Channel.  Indeed, I AM a Wes Anderson fan and this afternoon I saw his latest film, "The Phoenician Scheme."  I'm not going to say it was his BEST movie, but it sure had that Anderson visual ouvre, plus, some of the weirdest dialogue I've heard since, well, ever.

You probably didn't know I'm almost as famous for being a great movie critic as I am for being an amazing chef.  It's true, I am!  So please indulge me for a minute while I try to explain how my movie review talent relates to food.  

You see, Mrs. Chef G. and I downed a bucket of movie theater popcorn while watching the film.  It seems I am incapable of going to a movie without blowing $11.00 on that stuff.  The smell of it is irresistible and the first few handfuls are so tasty.  Everything changes, though, when about half the bucket has been eaten.  I start feeling queasy and bloated.  Yet, for some reason I keep munching on those salty, oily, yellow kernels until they're all gone.  When will I ever learn to stop this obsessive popcorn-eating disorder? 

(I really should start sneaking my own home-popped popcorn into the theater.  That stuff tastes better, is healthier, and I can eat it all day.)

Moving on, Mrs. Chef G. and I discussed the movie while driving home.  The entire time, my intelligent analysis was distracted by the thought of what to make for dinner.  I wanted something cold, light, and refreshing to counteract the unpleasant aftermath of the popcorn, which I could still feel all the way from my esophagus to my lower intestine.  My first thought was a traditional lettuce salad, which would have worked, but I wanted to try something different than that old standby.

Once home, I went onto the interweb to find a recipe to meet my "cold, light & refreshing" specifications.  There were some interesting choices, but one stood out above all the rest--mainly because it had an Asian element and it included watermelon, which we already had in the refrigerator.

I didn't have a few of the ingredients, however, and I did not feel like making a trip to the grocery store.  So, using my master chef knowledge, I made a few substitutions.  The result was exquisite.

I chopped up the following (clockwise from the top):  Watermelon, carrot, cherry tomatoes, some leftover grilled chicken, an avocado, a little red onion, and, in the middle, green leaf lettuce. 

I made a vinegarette with soy sauce, red wine vinegar, olive oil, lime juice, garlic, and sriracha sauce.

Here is what my salad looked like in the end.  It was sweet, sour, savory and tasty.  Best of all, it did a fine job of counteracting my over-indulgence of movie theater popcorn.
 

Next time, get ready for another interesting recipe I found while looking for something "cold, light, and refreshing."  It will be my first attempt at making . . . wait, what the hell is going on here . . . 

(We're sorry, Chef G. has just been detained for revealing classified information about upcoming programs.  This is a clear act of treason.  Please tune in next week for details. Sincerely, The Chef G. Cooking Channel Censorship Team.)

Chef G. Grills Himself

 

Hi folks, Chef G. here.  After taking a couple months off, I am I'm happier than a robin pulling a big ol' worm out of the ground to be back.  At least the robin I watched this morning seemed to be pretty happy with his catch.  It made me wonder how tasty a worm might be.  I mean, robins and sunfish seem to like 'em quite a lot.  Why couldn't a food lover--me for example--like them too?  

One of these days, I'm going to have to dig up a couple of nightcrawlers, season them with a special dry rub created especially for worms by the great Chef G., toss them on the grill, gently turn them over every few seconds, and top them off with a touch of barbeque sauce.  My mouth is watering just thinking about it.

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I can't explain those introductory words.  They came out of a nowhere-land of absurd stream-of-chefery thought.  In reality, I would NEVER even CONSIDER eating the guts of an ugly, veiny, juicy, gelatinous, slimy, grimy, puke-inducing animal, no matter how well it was prepared and grilled.

But it did provide the opportunity to segue into what I've been grilling during my absence from the Chef G. Cooking Channel.

Yeah, I'm a grill master.  Everybody knows that--especially ME. Today, I'm not going to post any recipes.  I'm just going to show some pictures of the delicious meats I've been grilling. Meats are ME!  In fact, you can't spell the word "meats" without starting it with "me."

Also, the title of this post and the first picture are misleading.  I didn't really grill myself.  I should have said, "I grilled BY myself."  Nobody helps me grill.

    

This was my best batch of pork loin yet.  After chowing it down, I vowed to grill this underrated cut more often.

I love grilled baby back ribs.  I featured them in a previous episode of the Chef G. Cooking Channel.  Spareribs are pretty good too.  But I seem to have forgotten about Country Style Pork Ribs.  They're really, really good when grilled under the tender loving care of Chef G.

They look pretty innocent here . . .

. . . but on the grill they look guilty of deliciousness.

Pork isn't the only meat I grill.  Fish meat is equally awesome when cooked over charcoals, but fish meat requires a little more attention.  The photo below proves the attentive care I gave to my grilled salmon.  It was my best batch yet.  The baked potato was equally fine.  I can't explain it, but a potato grilled over charcoals is 65% better than a potato baked in the oven.

Meats are the basic building blocks of grilling, but potato and onion concoction is next in line.

Yesterday morning, at 6:00 a.m., I rubbed a small beef brisket with a Chef G. mix of brown sugar, garlic powder, onion powder, cayenne pepper, paprika, black pepper, and a big dose of my favorite seasoning . . . salt.

By 7:00 a.m., the charcoals were ready to start cooking my brisket.  Low and slow is the mantra among the grill masters who love to cook big chunks of meat such as beef brisket and pork shoulder.  I know that.  But this time, I didn't pay enough attention.  I think I let the temperature get too high, and the result was not my best batch of brisket.  It had nice bark and flavor, but it was too dry.

There you go.  Not even the best chef in the world is perfect every single time--no matter what those famous celebrity chefs will try to make you believe.    

Tasty, but a little dry.

I was tired of typing, so I poured a glass of ale from the Blackstone Brewery of North St. Paul, Minnesota.  It wasn't MY 3rd Anniversary, but a couple weeks ago Mrs. Chef G. and I celebrated our 42nd anniversary.