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| Cow Meat Galore in the Grocery Store |
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| Cows seen while on my bicycle trip in Kansas this spring. |
Hi folks, Chef G. here, and I'm happier than a long-horn steer grazing in a grassy pasture to be here for another episode of my highly acclaimed cooking program. I have made friends with many cows over the years. I speak to them often when I'm out riding my bike. Our conversations make me truly wish I had the inner strength to be a vegetarian. Alas, I have more inner weakness than inner strength.
My weakness stems from my love of a good steak, and today I had a craving for a good steak. I also had a craving to write another Chef G. Cooking Channel episode. Most of all I had a craving to go up against my arch enemy, mano a mano, in a steak grilling contest.
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| Holy cow, can you believe the price of beef these days? |
So, I sent an e-mail to the one dude who is probably my top competitor in the world of celebrity chefs. Incredibly, he accepted my challenge--but only after my team and I agreed to a couple of conditions. First, we must allow him to be disguised at all times during filming, and second, we are forbidden to identify him by name. What the heck?
I resisted, but my producers agreed to his cowardly demands. It's okay though. It's still a win-win for both of us famous chefs. I get the satisfaction of humiliating him in a cook-off, and he gets the honor of being a guest on the world's most beloved cooking show.
LET'S MEET THE CHEFS
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| The great and powerful CHEF G. versus . . . |
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| . . .The cowardly British chef in disguise |
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Well, let's get down to the business of grilling, shall we? As the host, I deferred to my opponent to get the cook-off started.
Living up to his famously foul-mouthed reputation, the British chef immediately went off on a tirade. (Warning to parents of young children: There is some bad language in the next two videos. Please cover your kids' sensitive ears.)
I'm sure you noticed how my British opponent's accent vacillated between English, Irish, Australian & German during his narrative. He claims that was part of his plan to disguise his identity. Ha! In my opinion, the guy is a pretentious phony.
You can remove your hands from your kids' ears now. In contrast to my hysterical opponent, I remained calm, cool, collected, and clean. In the next two videos, check out my calmness, collectedness, and especially my COOLNESS while under intense pressure.
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| I took care to season my steak. Then I lovingly massaged the salt and pepper into the meat. My opponent threw his meat on the grill with no additional effort. |
At the end of the grilling competition, the two famous chefs tasted each other's steaks. Chef Gordo Ramses (name altered at his demand) declared my steak to be worthy of a "Masterchef" trophy and a head chef position at one of his restaurants. I declared his steak to be worth a Gold Medal for dryness and flavorlessness. I took pity on him though, and offered him a position as a dish washer in my kitchen. He said he'd give it some thought.
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| Chef G.'s steak, cooked to a perfect rare-to-medium rare, and topped with a mix of red & yellow onions sauteed in butter. Oh man, it was soooo delicious. |
