LASAGNA--VIA ITALY, MINNESOTA AND CHEF G's AMAZING MIND

Hi folks, Chef G. here and, boy oh boy, do I have a recipe for you today?  That was a statement--not a question--so I really should remove the question mark.  I'm in a good mood though, so I'm going to let it stand.

Perhaps you noticed the halo over my head in the photo at the top of this page.  I assure you, however, I am not Jesus.  I'm just a humble, world famous, celebrity chef.  Sure, cooking excellence has helped me achieve a certain degree of holiness, but I'm not sure I deserve a halo.  On the other hand, who am I to argue with the culinary gods?

************

Sometimes I wonder if my braggery and boastfulocity schtick is wearing thin.  Sometimes, I think my blog should take on more of an aura of sophistication.  Sometimes I think that if I took this business more seriously, I could get paid billions of dollars instead of the hundreds of millions I currently make.

Then, I come to my senses.  I'm not going to sell my soul to the devil that is conformity.  I must be true to myself.  Cooking and bragging about it on a blog are ARTS, not popularity contests.  I say, "look elsewhere if you want seriousness, sophistication, and fancy recipes." 

************

I'll be making lasagna today.  It's a food that is not pronounced the way it's spelled.  Think "la-zahn-ya"--not la-sag-na."  I don't know much more about the Italian language than that.  

This isn't my first foray into Italiano chefery though.  Several of you might remember when I made an extraordinary pizza here on the Chef G. Cooking Channel.  I made my own pizza sauce, mixed my own sausage, tossed my own crust, and cut up my own toppings.  Good times!  I recall making another pasta dish on another occasion, but I can't remember what it was.

Now I'm back to teach you how to make the best lasagna you've ever eaten.  At least, that's how I HOPE my lasagna comes out today.  Read on to see how I did it.

************

The deliciousness starts by browning a pound and a half of lean hamburger and 1/2 pound of mild Italian sausage, along with a cup of chopped onion and two cloves of garlic.

  

Then you add a 28-ounce can of petite diced tomatoes (with all the juices), 12-oz. of tomato paste, and, ya know, like, a tablespoon each of salt, pepper, and Italian seasoning.  Cover the pan and simmer for an hour or so. 

While the sauce simmers, whip up this delicious blend of cottage cheese (24-oz.), Parmesan cheese (1/2 cup), Mozzarella cheese (1/2 pound), parsely (2 tbsps), and two whisked eggs.

Of course, you've got to cook up the lasagna noodles too.  Be sure to make them al dente.  (I don't mean to be condescending but, al dente means "not too soft.")

Now it's time to smear butter around a 13" X 9" baking dish.  For added non-stick protection, I like to add a dollop of olive oil.

Here comes the fun part.  Like clothing for cold weather survival, lasagna is all about layering.  In this case the layering begins with scooping out some of that fine red sauce you've been simmering and splattering it onto the bottom of the baking dish.

It almost looks good enough to eat already, but don't do it.

The next layer will be strips of al dente lasagna pasta.

The third layer will involve spreading the 3-cheese mixture over the pasta.

Did you have fun with the layering?  If so, you're in for a treat.  You get to do it again.  Three more layers in the exact same order.

But there's MORE!  Another layer of noodles, topped by another half-pound of delicious Mozzarella cheese.

If it doesn't cause a heart attack, you are going to love this.

Hopefully, you've pre-heated your chef's oven to 375-degrees (F).  Sometimes I get so carried away that I forget to provide instructions in the proper order.  Not to worry--you can do this step now.  When the oven reaches the 375-degree mark, you can watch Chef G.'s instructions on how to put the lasagna into the oven.

After about 45 minutes in the oven, check on your creation.  If the cheese hasn't melted, let it bake a little longer.  If the cheese is melted and golden brown, it's ready to be taken out.  If the cheese has burned into a hideous black, crusty mess, well, that's not good.  That was probably your fault, not mine. 

 

In this case, I've achieved perfection.  True, there is a little blackness on the edges, but that provides a nice bit of crunchiness.  Now all you have to do is cut it up into 3-4" squares, scoop them onto plates, and chow down.

In accordance with the rules of "truth in food blogging," I must reveal I made a smaller batch of lasagna than the recipe indicates.  Mrs. Chef G. is visiting her family in Spokane, WA, so I reduced the recipe by about one-third.  Even so, it was way too much for me to eat by myself.  So, I brought about half of it over to my next-door neighbors, and I still have at least one more meal for myself.

 

 

FRIED RICE IS NOT JUST A SIDE DISH

 

Hi folks, I'm really on a roll here--two episodes in two weeks.  I think I've been motivated by the record number of views The Chef G Cooking Channel has received over the last month.  I'd like to think I've gone viral and I've become a major Blogspot influencer.  I'm especially a big hit in Singapore.  More than 90% of my readership has come from that southeast Asian city-state.

I'd also like to think Singaporeans appreciate my wit and charm and sophisticated cooking techniques, but I think what's really going on is that Singapore is a major hub for what internet geeks call "bots."

I don't care.  Bots, humans, animals, alien beings from outer space--they're all welcome here.

************

Today's meal is going to be Fried Rice.  I'm a big fan of Asian food, and this is the third Asian dish I've featured on my blog.  True, fried rice isn't generally considered a meal.  It's more like something you'd order to go along with your main course of Szechuan shrimp or Mongolian Beef.  But when you add some meat to fried rice, it becomes a well-rounded meal of vegetables, starch, carbohydrates, protein, and chili peppers.

I'm wasting time.  Let's get down to the cooking.

a

Eggs are prominent in Asian cuisine.  I start with one whole egg and an egg white separated from the yolk.  I hear egg whites have less colesterol, but I don't worry about that health stuff too much.  

Whisk the whole egg and egg white with all the energy you can muster.

Then you just make a batch of scrambled eggs and set them aside.

Cook up a couple cups of rice, cut some chicken into small pieces, chop up some onions and carrots, and pour 1/4 cup of frozen peas from a bag.

More pouring.  In this case, pour some olive oil into a heavy wok.

Stir fry the chicken on high heat for a couple minutes.  Set the meat aside.
 

Add more olive oil to the wok and saute the onions.  Oh man, that smells delicious.

Add the carrots and chicken.  Stir frequently for a couple minutes.  Then add the scrambled eggs and peas just before serving. 

OH YEAH!

I forgot to mention that at the end, I added soy sauce, red pepper flakes, and an amazingly delicious Japanese stir fry sauce I recently discovered. 

Dig in, dudes and chicks.