THE CHEF G. COOKING CHANNEL: THE DINGALING BROTHERS & CHEF G. CIRCUS: A Meal for Kids of All Ages

Hi folks, Chef G. here, and I'm happier than a circus clown on laughing gas to be back with my 60th episode of The Chef G. Cooking Channel.

Speaking of circus clowns, I'm sure you know I've earned the America's Goofiest Celebrity Chef Award for three years in a row, and I'm also sure you've noticed that EVERY episode of my cooking channel is a clown show. Therefore, it should come as no surprise that I'm finally going to present the circus-themed meal you've all been waiting for.

Chef G. in his clown regalia

It has been several decades since I last attended a circus, yet I vividly remember the FUN (hilarious antics of the crazy clowns), the SIGHTS (trapeze artists flipping in mid-air & monkeys riding bicycles), the SOUNDS (bizarre calliope music), and the SMELLS (urine-soaked straw and elephant poop) of the big top extravaganza. Most of all, I remember the TASTES (caramel apples, cotton candy, popcorn, peanuts, hotdogs, corn dogs, soda pop, etc.)

If you, too, have fond memories of those deliciously sweet treats and salty snacks, you'll be very pleased with the meal I'm about to present. The recipes involve circus foods, but with plenty of gourmet twists from the twisted mind of ME, Chef G.

The recipes will be family friendly too. Yes, you can make them with your children. The kids will love how my circus meal might involve enough super-processed junk food to make them vomit in ways the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey never imagined.

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THE MENU: A Three Ring Circus of Deliciousness

Popcorn (Pan-popped in coconut oil and heavily sprinkled with exotic sea salt)
Caramel Apple (Ripe fruit with a delicate, sugary coating)
Hotdog Extraordinaire (Tender all-beef wiener, grilled over the finest charcoals from the upper midwest, placed in a carefully selected cheap bun, and topped with economically minded mustard.)
Soda Pop (Tropical, citrusy, hazy and hoppy.)

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The popcorn course is quite simple, as you will see in the following photos. The CHEF G. TWIST is that no microwave or air popper machinery was involved in the preparation. (None of that yellowy stuff you see on movie theater popcorn either)

All you need is coconut oil, popcorn seeds, a pan, and sea salt.

Turn a burner up to medium and heat the popcorn in the oil. Shake the pan frequently. Then comes the magic of little seeds bursting into fluffy white flowers. I made a video of that transformation. Check it out.

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The caramel apple course is also pretty easy. The CHEF G. TWIST on this one is that I substituted the apple with a different fruit. I guess you could call it a "caramel raisin."

Only two ingredients

Unwrap about 20 soft caramels, roll them into a ball with your hands, then smash the ball as flat as you can. Place a raisin (a chocolate covered raisin for extra sweetness) in the middle and roll it all back into a ball. Finally, push a little wooden stick into the middle.

The nice thing about a caramel raisin is that it's almost as big as a caramel apple, but it has more of the sugary caramel, and less of the healthy fruit.

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The beverage course was curated by yours truly. The CHEF G. TWIST is that he paired his meal with a special kind of soda pop.

For the adult children only

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The main course is something very special. I intended it to be a foot-long hotdog because I haven't had one of those things in a long time. Incredibly, I couldn't find foot-longs in any of MY Town's three grocery stores. Each of them had huge coolers full of hotdogs, with many brands. Most of the brands had regular sized wieners, bun sized wieners, jumbo sized wieners, etc., but none of them had foot-long wieners. What's up with that?

The CHEF G. TWIST is that I came up with a solution to the foot-long problem.