HI folks, Chef G. here. I don't have a recipe for you today. It's just an essay in which I'll be complaining about how hard life is right now. I hope you can relate even though you're not a major internet sensation like me.
You might think the life of a superstar chef is all fun and frolic, eat and enjoy, glitz and glamour, basking in never-ending praise and adoration. Yes, in normal times, that's pretty much the way it is. However, in these difficult times of social distancing, even I-- America's most popular Satirical Celebrity Chef of all-- can start feeling a little lonely and restless.
Here's how bad things have gotten for us cooking professionals. Until March of last year, I pedaled my bike to the grocery store almost every day to pick up the food I needed for the evening meal. I like buying fresh meat and vegetables on a whim for whatever I feel like cooking on any particular day.
I thought it was a pretty good way to shop, and also to have short conversations in the aisles with with people I know. Mrs. Chef G. didn't like my shopping method at all. Her side of the story was that my system was neither economical nor efficient. It did not provide enough of a food stockpile for emergency situations. (Such as if all the grocery stores burned down at the same time, I guess.)
In the time of the Corona-Virus, it's even worse. In order to keep social contact to a minimum, I am forced to shop her way--that is, going to the grocery store once every couple of weeks, buying $300 worth of food to fill up the refrigerator & cupboards, and driving it home in our bloody, stinking car. Where's the fun in that?
It's terrible. How the holy hell am I supposed to know what kind of food I want to cook two days from now much less two WEEKS from now?
Not only that, but Mrs. Chef G. comes along on these shopping excursions and she reads the nutrition labels and the price-per-ounce information. As a result, the visit to the grocery store that only took ten minutes before takes well over an hour now. It used to be a fun outing for me. Now I can see why other people consider it a boring chore.
And then there's the mask-wearing thing. I'm all for doing my part to curtail the spread of this virus, but it still feels weird to be wearing a face mask designed for surgical operations and gloves designed for prostrate examinations.
As I've said, times are tough for a celebrity chef like me, but I guess there are worse things than having to shop for hours with one's wife, missing out on daily chats with friends and acquaintances, unloading bags and bags of groceries from a car, stuffing your precious food into a freezer, and having nightmares of invasive medical procedures. You know--things like having a deadly virus invade your lungs.
Yes, things are tough for us famous chefs. Yet, we will press onward because we know our fans depend on us to publish delicious recipes and food-related information. I guess it wouldn't be too far off the mark to say we are "essential workers." Without us, families would be at a loss as to how to provide high quality meals for their children.
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