Tuesday, October 26, 2021

THIS ONE'S FOR THE KIDS: A Favorite From The Children's Menu

Hi Boys and Girls, my name is Chef G. and I'm a famous celebrity chef.  Do you know what a "celebrity chef" is?  No?  Well, you'll have to ask your mommy and daddy about that because I don't have time to explain it to you today.  For now, let's just say it means I'm your parents' favorite food cooker.  

And on today's show I hope to become YOUR favorite food cooker too, because I'm going to teach you how to make a food every kid in the world loves.  Yup, you guessed it . . . Grilled Cheese Sandwiches with Ham.  YIPPEE!

I know the kitchen can be a scary place, what with all those hot burners and sharp knives and stuff.  I also know your mommies and daddies will be worried about whether you're mature enough to cook by yourself.  This is the time to reassure them by saying something like, "Don't worry parental figures, I am not a child anymore.  I'm almost five years old.  I got this."  They will be so impressed by how cute that sounds. 

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Would you like to know how the idea for this Grilled Cheese Sandwich episode came to be?  No?  Well, I think I'll tell you anyway.  

A few days ago, Mrs. Chef G. and I went for a walk with our doggy.  His name is Diggity and he might be the cutest dog on the planet.  After pooping in the park, Diggity led us across the street to a food truck.  One of the food truck's specialties is Grilled Cheese Sandwiches.  Alas, we had just eaten dinner so I didn't even have a tiny bit of room left in my tummy.


The nice owners of the food truck live right in our neighborhood.


I've had the joneses for a grilled cheese sandwich ever since that day.  Everybody gets that craving once in a while.  Ya know what I mean?  Maybe you've had it for tacos.  Or spaghetti.  Or hotdogs.  Or pizza.  Or liverwurst.  

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Let's start cooking, shall we?

I can't emphasize enough to you little folks about the importance of fresh, high quality ingredients.  What I mean to say is, the goodness of the stuff you put into a meal can be the difference between an okay meal and a great meal.  That is why I STRONGLY URGE you to tell your moms and dads about my new line of Chef G. Branded foods.  I'd advise using this line:  "The Chef G. Brand of foods is not only healthy and delicious, but it's also super-groovy." 

Once again they will again think you are the cutest kid ever (in a Brady Bunch kind of way) and, more importantly, they'll appreciate your excellent advice.

So, here are the fine Chef G. ingredients we'll be using today:


World class cheese

  
  

The best bread money can buy



Beautiful smoked meat from the leg of a pig



Ultra-creamy, hand-churned butter




Zesty Pepper Sauce



Now that we've gathered up all those top-shelf Chef G. Brand Foods, you little punks can roll up your sleeves and get to work.  We'll start with the assembly of the sandwich.



The first step is to grab two slices of "Chef G.'s 13-Grain Bread" and spread a nice layer of "Better Butter By Chef G." onto one side of each slice.  The buttered sides will be the outsides, the sides that come in contact with the grill.



After you've flipped the bread over, you'll have to sneak a sharp knife out of your mommy's knife drawer and slice a few pieces off the end of the brick of "Chef G.'s Cheddar Cheese."  Be very careful.  




You wouldn't want to cut off half of your finger.  That kind of owie is messy
and it hurts.




After cleaning up the blood, place a little "Chef G.'s Deli Ham" on top of the cheese slices.



Next comes the part that will separate your grilled cheese & ham from that run-of-the-mill crap stuff from the kid's menu at Appleby's.   Splash a little hot sauce on there--but not TOO much.  Have you ever taken a swig of hot sauce?  It's really tasty, but it should only be consumed in small quantities by anyone under 4-feet tall.



Can you count to 4?  If so, you're old enough to climb a chair and turn on the burner to heat up your griddle.  Good job!



Now you can put the fully assembled sandwich back on the griddle, butter side down, and relax for a bit while watching the following video for further instruction.




Remember that part when I said to take a sip of "Chef G. Ale?"  If you are under the legal drinking age of 16, please ignore that instruction.  WHAT?  21?  When did that happen?



Yes, kids, it's as easy as that.

Well, not so fast there adolescents and pre-schoolers.  You've probably heard it a billion times from your dictatorial parents, but you really DO need to eat your vegetables with every meal.

Therefore, I'm including a vegetable side dish that will be munchy and easy to make.  Check it out, little dudes and dudettes.

Tell your mom or dad to pick up some broccoli and salad dressing while on their way home from work.  Insist they purchase only the very best--"Chef G.'s BROCCOLI EXTRAORDINAIRE."


And his Italian Dressing, which was especially
 formulated to be slathered over broccoli.


  
Wowie Zowie!  Does that salad look super-rad or what?

 
I think the only thing left to do is to taste our delicious creation.  In fact, that's the title I came up with for the video in which I tasted the delicious creation.  (In the video, you'll be able to see Diggity--the cutest dog on the planet.)










4 comments:

  1. Wow - I did not realise there were so many Chef G branded goods out there! But I must say... orange cheese? Surely the Chef G brand would go for something a bit finer. Only Americans eat orange cheese :-) I love that Diggity is vocal about wanting to share the food, too. Enjoy another one for me... I can't eat any of the sandwich ingredients anymore.

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    1. Hi Emily, good to hear from you. Hopefully you were able to get the gastroscopy done as scheduled and the doctors have a plan for you. Keep us informed on that when you feel up to it.

      As to the orange cheese, I never thought about that until you mentioned it. And you're right--all of the cheeses in the imported cheese section of our grocery store are white. I'm going to have to tell the cheesemakers at my cheese factory to get their shit together. At least it's better than Velveeta, which is the "cheese" my mom always served when I was growing up. I don't know if it's true or not, but a friend once told me that Velveeta, in its natural state, is clear. They add the orange coloring to make it more visually appealing.

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  2. I think Diggerty was saying "gimme some of that sandwich or I'll pee on your bike" Nice cookin

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    Replies
    1. That's EXACTLY what he was saying. I know because I speak Doggese. Thanks.

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