CHEF G. CHEFSPLAINS BREAD

 

Hi folks, Chef G. here for another amazing episode of the Chef G. Cooking Channel.  All I can say is that I'm happier than a rabbit munching in Mrs. Chef G.'s garden to be with you once again.  And let me tell you, the jaws of those furry, big-eared, cotton-tailed rodents can chew with amazing speed.  In fact, even before the garden plants came in, I was watching with amazement as our neighborhood rabbits ate dandelions on my lawn.  They'd pick the stem close to the ground, lift their heads upward, and nibble the rest of the weed in the same way as The Lady and the Tramp slurped spaghetti.  Unfortunately, the only photograph I have of the munching bunnies is in my memory.  So, if you want to see what I saw, you'll have to settle for a crayon sketch.

Yup, that's exactly how they do it.

So, what does all that stuff about bunnies have to do with bread?  Patience, Chef G.-niuses; allow me to explain.

Back in the 1960's, most kids grew up with the kind of white bread produced, most famously, by the Wonder Bread Company.  I was one of those little punks.

Ah yes, I remember the packaging with all those colorful dots.

Across the country, there were many regional brands that made bland bread too.  I was lucky enough to live in Marquette, Michigan--the home of a large Bunny Bread factory.  Sure, Bunny Bread tasted just like Wonder Bread, but I liked Bunny Bread better because it had a cartoon rabbit as its mascot. 

An internet photo of the Marquette Bunny Bread factory before it went out of business and was demolished.

I managed to survive without Bunny Bread in the ensuing years.  In fact, I discovered bread made in local bakeries and such exotic things as rye bread, crusty bread, sourdough bread, multi-grained bread, and other varieties.  HOOO BOY! All of those breads are tasty.

[An aside: I have a little secret for you.  It's a secret that very few celebrity chefs will tell you: Hotdog buns, hamburger buns, bratwurst buns, hoagie buns, cudighi buns, slider buns, ciabatta buns, kaiser buns, dinner rolls, baguettes, etc., etc., etc. etc.--well, they're all just bread in different shapes and sizes.] 

  

Going back to my Bunny Bread story, imagine my surprise when I was on a bicycle tour along the Mississippi River from New Orleans to St.Paul.  The surprised happened inside a grocery store in the small town of Woodville, Mississippi.  I found some cheap deli meat to make sandwiches in my cheap motel room. Next, I needed to find some bread. When I got to the bread department, I almost crapped my bike shorts when I saw this:

A picture from that 2016 bike trip.  How could I NOT buy a loaf of my beloved Bunny Bread?

"Either a southern company bought the Bunny Bread brand and they're still making it," I thought, "or this loaf has been stale and moldy for at least 20 years."  

Turns out, the loaf was soft and fresh.  I made a couple of cheap sandwiches, with cheap bread, in my cheap motel room, and carried the rest of the loaf on my bike for the next couple days.

PART TWO:  Ode to Bunny Bread

Oh, sweet Bunny Bread,

I see you are not dead,

You live in Mississippi,

As well as in my head.

I used to think it was pretty funny,

That bread could be baked by a cartoon bunny,

But now that I am no longer a kid,

I know rabbits didn't bake it, people did.

I know this is some pretty bad verse,

But I assure you, I've written worse,

I simply felt some impromptu inspiration,

To pay tribute to the best bread in all the nation.

PART THREE:  Simple Bread Recipes Anybody Can Make

While this episode is about bread, it isn't about baking bread at home.  That ain't gonna happen on the Chef G. Cooking Channel.  Sure, I love the aroma and the taste of homemade bread, but I'm a stir-fryer, roaster, griller & magician of meat--not a baker.  I just use bread to make things that are delicious. I'm going to tell you about a few such things that I've made lately.

The idea for an episode about bread began when I was shopping in my local mega-grocery store.  The bread aisle had a dizzying display of pure white bread products.  I resisted all of them, though I was tempted to buy a loaf of Bimbo Bread.

DIZZYING!

The only thing I found in the dizzying display that compares to the Bunny Bread Cartoon was the cute baby polar bear cartoon on the Bimbo Soft White Bread package.  I kind of felt bad about tossing the Bimbo product back on the shelf.

Anyway, here are a few simple recipes that use bread.  If I can turn one single person onto the joy of bread, I will consider my life complete. (Unless you have Celiac Disease, gluten allergies, diabetes, or carbohydrate induced obesity.  I sure don't want to have to pay off another multi-million-dollar lawsuit for bad nutrition advice.)

There is no doubt in my mind that the best use of bread is for SANDWICHES.  I love sandwiches.  Grilled cheese sandwiches, ham sandwiches, roast beef sandwiches, turkey sandwiches, pastrami sandwiches, baloney (bologna) sandwiches, chicken salad sandwiches, BLT's, Club sandwiches, hot beef sandwiches with mashed potatoes and gravy, Philly Cheese Steak sandwiches, Italian meatball sandwiches, Bahn Mi, Po Boys, Bratwursts, hamburgers, I could go on and on.  They're ALL good because bread makes them good.  I think I'd eat squid guts or live slugs as long as they were positioned between a couple pieces of bread with a little butter, mayo, or mustard.

Check out this sandwich.  A couple weeks ago, I slow-grilled a small brisket.  It was delicious.  The next day, I made brisket sliders with the leftovers.

I knew good brisket would result in good brisket sandwiches for the rest of the week.  MMMmmm.

For this recipe, I simply spread a dollop of mustard on a slice of multi-grain bread, tossed a generous amount of freshly sliced deli ham on top, and capped it off with another piece of bread.  You could also add a slice of Muenster cheese and a big lettuce leaf if you want.  I didn't.

For a variation on the above recipe, you can replace the mustard, ham, cheese and lettuce with peanut butter.  That's good too.

Toasting is the simplest way to cook bread.  All you have to do is put a slice in the toaster.  Every American household has a toaster.  But if you want to take toast to a higher level, you will toast the bread on a charcoal grill.  If done correctly, it will be the most delicious piece of toast you've ever had. The following video will instruct you how to do it.

Thank you for reading my super-deep poetry and epistemology on bread.  Rest assured, I'll be back with something even more bizarre very soon.