SPECIAL EDITION: Fancy French Cuisine For A Major Milestone

Hi folks, Chef G. here!  And I'm happier than a rooster crowing at dawn.  That's because I get to be here with you for the SEVENTY-FIFTH edition of the Chef G. Cooking Channel.  

Yup, you read that right: I've lasted seventy-five (aka soixante-quinze, setenta y cinco, 75, or LXXV) episodes without getting cancelled by the Blogspot network.  As I said in my last post, that's even more longevity than the acclaimed series "Game of Thrones."  Can you believe it?  No?  Well, I assure you that I'm as surprised as you are.  I got cancelled by my last network after only about 10 episodes.  I don't know, perhaps I was a little too obnoxious back then.

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There was no question I needed to come up with an extra special dish to celebrate such a momentous occasion.  I mean, hotdogs are fine for a 4th of July picnic, turkey is acceptable for a Thanksgiving meal, a big ol' ham works nicely for most of the Christian holidays, and a witch's brew is good for Halloween.  But a jubilee for the 75th episode of the world's greatest satirical cooking blog deserves something above and beyond such standard fare.

After expending quite a lot of brain power, I came up with the perfect answer--a French dish called Coq au Vin.  Translated into my native language, it means "Rooster in Wine."  (A more accurate translation, I suppose, is "Cock in Wine," but for some reason that one offends my grown-up sense of decency slightly more than it appeals to my childish sense of humor regarding slang terms for sexual body parts.)

I've been wanting to make Coq au Vin ever since I saw Julia Child cook it on PBS a few decades ago.  Her Rooster in Wine looked incredibly delicious, but back then the recipe was way too complicated for an inexperienced punk like me.

I think Julia was the original celebrity chef, and to this day, the only one I really like.

Now that I'm a celebrity chef in my own right, I believe I am ready to use her recipe (with a few personal modifications, of course) to make this an extra special edition of The Chef G. Cooking Channel.

The title of my version of the classic French dish is:

KOOKY COOK'S COQ AU VIN

Part One

It was important for me to begin preparations for the big event a few days in advance.  In the interest of authenticity and deliciousness, I had to make my own chicken broth.  No self-respecting French chef would use a broth from a carton or can for ANY meal, but certainly not for a huge 75th-episode celebration.

A homemade chicken broth is an all-day affair.  Only a lunatic chef (such as Gordo Ramses) would try to make a high-quality broth AND Coq au Vin in the same day.

First, you have to roast a chicken.

Second, you have to remove the meat from the skeleton and boil all the bones in a gallon of water--along with an onion, two celery stalks, three carrots, a bay leaf, and plenty of salt & pepper.

Third, you have to make a meal of the chicken you roasted.  In my case, I sliced some chicken breast onto plates and served it with steamed broccoli for Mrs. Chef G. and me.  (Helpful hint for the next day:  Use the leftover meat to make chicken salad sandwiches.)

Fourth, after the carcass and vegetables have boiled for about four hours, pour everything through a strainer into heat proof bowl.  The liquid that remains will be aromatic, savory, golden, and delicious. 

 

Store the beautiful broth in the refrigerator until you're ready to make your Coq au Vin.
 

Intermission

During the intermission, I joined my studio audience for dancing and general craziness.  Chef G. fans are THE BEST!

Part Two

This is the best part.  I hope you're ready for some serious French cooking.  We'll start with Julia Child's ingredients, with a few pluses and minuses from Chef G.

-Three chicken thighs and three drumsticks

-One cup of good red wine, such as pinot noir

-One shot of brandy

-One and a half cups of homemade chicken broth

-Three strips of thick cut bacon cut into 1/2" pieces

-Half of a sweet Vidalia onion, thinly sliced

-Two carrots cut on the bias into 1" chunks

-Three garlic cloves, minced

-One tablespoon tomato paste

-Four ounces of mushrooms, thickly sliced

-One teaspoon fresh thyme leaves

-Two tablespoons softened butter

-Two tablespoons flour

-Plenty of salt and pepper

I was NOT going to buy a whole bottle of brandy just to make this recipe, so I was prepared to leave that ingredient out.  Then, while shopping for a Pinot Noir from the Bourgogne region of France, I noticed a display of tiny booze bottles.  Upon finding a brandy, I rejoiced in my great fortune.

Cooking Instructions

Step One:  Put the chicken thighs and drumsticks in a bowl and pour the wine, brandy and homemade chicken broth over the top.  Let it sit while you chop the bacon, vegetables and herbs.

Step Two:  While the chicken marinates in the wine, start chopping the bacon, vegetables and herbs.

Step Three:  Cook the bacon until slightly crispy in a Dutch oven over medium high heat.  Remove the bacon and save it for later, but leave the grease.

Step Four:  Take the wine-marinated chicken pieces out of the bowl, pat dry them, salt them, and toss them--skin side down--into the bacon grease. (Do NOT discard the wine/brandy/broth.)  Sear them for about four minutes, flip them over, and sear for another four minutes.  Then remove the thighs & legs and set them aside.

 

They're already smelling deliceux.

Step Five:  Put the onions and carrots into the bacon & chicken grease.  Let them sauté for about five minutes, then add the garlic to sauté for another minute.

Step Six:  Shove the onion, carrot, and garlic to the side, and put in the tomato paste.  Stir a little bit and let it cook for a minute until you can smell its fine aroma.

Step Seven:  Pour the wine/brandy/broth mixture you reserved into the pot.  Scrape the dark stuff on the bottom of the pot and stir into the mix.  Bring it to a boil.  Add more salt and pepper.

Step Eight:  Add the chicken back into the pan and sprinkle with the thyme.  Turn the heat to low and let the stew simmer for about 20 minutes.

Step Nine:  While the simmering takes place, mix the flour with the butter using your (clean) fingers.  Then whisk it with a fork.  The result is a thing the French call "Beurre Manie," which sounds way more sophisticated than "butter mixed with flour."

Beurre Manie--fun to make, fun to say.

Step Ten:  Heat up a tablespoon of Extra Virgin Olive Oil in a frying pan.  Add the reserved bacon and the mushrooms.  Cook for about 10 minutes.

Step Eleven:  Stir the beurre manie into the pot until you notice the sauce thickening.  Then add the sautéed mushrooms and bacon.  Soon, the smell will be almost too much to resist.

Oh man, it's irresistable!

My son, Arlo, agrees.  He guarded the coq au vin for me while I poured a glass of the fine French wine for drinking purposes.

While I ate, Arlo continued to guard against any invaders who would try to steal my meal. 

 

I hesitate to review my own food like all the other celebrity chefs do, but all I can say is . . . "THIS MEAL WAS SOOO GOOD YOU WOULDN'T EVEN BELIEVE IT."  

I hope you decide to make it for yourself.  Bon Appetit!

 

A Migration Celebration With Marination

 

Hi folks, I'm your host, Chef G., and I'm happier than a pelican with a dozen perch in his pouch.  The reason for my pelican joy is that I'm about to share another very special recipe right here on my amazingly successful cooking show--The Chef G. Cooking Channel.

Would you like to know how amazingly successful the show is?  It's SO amazingly successful that we are now airing our 74th episode.  That's one more than the acclaimed show "Game of Thrones."  I've never seen a single minute of that show, but I do know it was wildly popular.  It wasn't popular enough, though, to get past the 73-episode mark.  Tough luck.

Anyway, my ratings are better than ever, thanks in particular to my food poisoning episode.  That one pulled in over a hundred viewers, which is a number that Chef Gordo Ramses and all my other celebrity chef competitors can only dream about.

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I'd like to go back to the subject of happy pelicans for a minute.  I was out riding my bike along the Mississippi River yesterday and I saw many of those big white birds gleefully soaring all over the sky.  Ah yes, that reminded me the fall migration season is in full force.  

Next, I passed an island just offshore.  It was filled with thousands of birds representing several different species.  I was so impressed with the scene that I filmed and narrated a couple of 90-second videos.  They have nothing to do with cooking, but I hope you watch them anyway.

Okay, I admit the first video wasn't all that exciting.  The real action takes place in the next video.  Check it out.

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If you watched the videos, you're probably thinking the main dish for today's episode will be grilled pelican or grilled seagull.  I'm proud to say you'd be wrong.  

Today's show will be about grilled pork chops.  I know, I know, ANYBODY can grill pork chops.  But the real star of the show is what separates MY pork chops from the pork chops grilled by the average backyard chef.  That would be the delicious marinade I concocted for maximum flavor enhancement.  

The marinade idea came from a comment I received on my last post.  It got me to wondering, "have I ever marinated anything in the past 73 episodes?"  If so, it didn't immediately come to mind.  Therefore, to celebrate migration season, here we go with my latest creation: 

HONEY-SOY-GINGER MARINATED PORK CHOPS a la CHEF G 

With a title like that, the first step HAD to be the preparation of the marinade.  It's a Chef G. original.  I could make a lot of money by charging a fee for the recipe, but I'm going to provide it to my loyal fans for free.  So, all I can add is that it will be worth your time to pay close attention. 

I'm a hands-on chef, so I put the ginger and garlic in my hand before mincing up a half-tablespoon of each.

These are the liquids I used.  One tablespoon of red wine vinegar, 1/4 cup of honey, 1/4 cup of full-sodium soy sauce, and 3 tablespoons of olive oil.

Hands-on display of a pinch of black pepper and a pinch of red chili pepper flakes.

Put all the ingredients into a bowl and whisk the hell out of the mixture.

I gotta tell ya, my marinade looked good enough to drink right out of the bowl.  Good thing I had enough self-restraint to save it for the next important step.

I put a couple of pork chops into a zip-lock baggie and added the marinade.  I soaked the pig meat in the marinade for two hours.  The pork chop in the other baggie is for Mrs. Chef G.  She is a fine gal in so many ways, but her food tastes are rather bland.

After the two hours of marination, I transferred the meat to my charcoal grill.  Immediately, the hot coals got my tasty pork chops a-sizzling.  It smelled so good.  Yet I felt sorry for Mrs. Chef G's portion.  I mean, it looked sickly and pale.

Well, if that's how she likes it, that's how she likes it.  Who am I to contradict her?

In the end, Mrs. Chef G. enjoyed her plain pork chop, and I absolutely LOVED my enhanced pork chops.  Like a wolf, I gnawed the meat right down to the bone after taking this picture.

My dog, Arlo, took one look at my pork chop and also wanted to gnaw it to the bone.  I restrained him, but I must admit I gave him a couple of small pieces.

That concludes Episode #74 of The Chef G. Cooking Channel.  Episode #75 is next, and it seems worthy of an extra special dish for an extra special occasion.  A 75th celebration is often called a "diamond jubilee."  I'm open to food suggestions for the big event.  Thank you.