A Few Words About the Chef:
Chef G. is an award-winning chef and by far the most prolific writer on the Chef G. Cooking Channel. As such, he uses his celebrity status to provide cooking joy to several people throughout the world. Though his cooking would be in demand in any country on earth,[1] he prefers to stick to his culinary roots, specializing in humble mid-western cuisine.
A true rising star in the foodie world, people hardly ever spit, gag or vomit on Chef G.'s creations any more.
 |
| Chef G. humbly hoists his "Excellence In Cooking" trophy at the 2021 Thumbs-Up Awards Ceremony. To date, Chef G. is the only chef in the world who has given himself this honor. |
And, honestly, who better than Chef G. to present this article on corn? The guy is a native of IOWA--the #1 corn growing state in the United States of America. Sure, there are lots of Iowans out there, but how many of them can claim to have reigned as CORN KING?
 |
| The Corn King of 1976. (The dude looks like he's high on corn silk.) |
Hi folks, Chef G. here, and I'd like to thank my producer for that excellent introduction. In this episode I'm going to tell you everything you'll ever need to know about corn, and I'll start with the most basic question: What the heck IS corn?
How is it to be classified? Is it a vegetable? Is it a grain? Or is it something else? Is it even a food for human consumption? Or is it an agent for fattening cows and pigs? Or is it a biofuel, something to be refined and added to gasoline to make our automobiles go? Or is it nature's gift to bourbon whiskey distillers? Or did God himself intend those golden kernels to be transformed into the most ubiquitous food sweetener of all--high fructose corn syrup? Is corn good? Is it evil?
I don't know the scientific answers to all those questions. All I know is that when I was a kid growing up in Iowa, grocery stores didn't sell corn in the grain section with the wheat, barley, oats, quinoa, etc. No, it was located in the frozen vegetable section along with asparagus, lima beans, broccoli and other distasteful stuff. And it was in the canned vegetable aisle right next to the disgusting spinach, peas, and green beans.
To this day, corn can still be found in the canned & frozen food aisles and, in it's various forms, almost every other grocery store aisle too.
 |
| While on a quick corn-shopping spree this morning I scooped up all kinds of delicious corn products.[2] |
I must tell you, though, that the BEST corn has always been found in the FRESH vegetable section. That's where corn really stood out in my youth. Sweet corn-on-the-cob was in its prime from mid-July to mid-August, and during that time of the year it was displayed in huge mounds. My mom would grab an ear from the pile, peel back the green leaves to inspect the ear for bugs, and then toss the good ones into the shopping cart and the bad ones back on the pile. Oh, the memories.
In the years that followed I've come to appreciate a few other vegetables, but to this day, none of them can match the awesomeness of a good ear of corn. And the corn of today, genetically engineered for maximum sweetness, is even tastier than the corn we ate in the 1970s and probably even tastier than the corn (maize) eaten by native North & South Americans for centuries before that.
For Best Results, Forget The Grocery Store
Unquestionably, the ideal way to buy corn is to make a trip to any small town in Iowa and seek out the busiest intersection, where a farm girl has set up a temporary corn stand. She will be sitting on a lawn chair next to a cart full of fresh-picked sweet corn. She's been sitting there all day in the heat and humidity. No problem, she's used to it. She has the sleeves of her t-shirt rolled up to her shoulders and her hair pulled back into a ponytail to keep her neck cool. She bags up a dozen ears of corn at a time for a steady stream of customers. She accepts cash only, and makes change from a cigar box. During the slow times she sits in the shade and reads a paperback book.
The same scene can be found in Illinois, Indiana, Minnesota, and any other mid-western corn state.
And, unlike the grocery store, the farm stand can be trusted to sell you corn that was picked only a few hours prior. The corn in the supermarket was likely picked two weeks ago in someplace like California. Iowans and Minnesotans grow their corn with love and the sweetness of nature, whereas Californians probably sweeten their corn with an infusion of high-fructose corn syrup--which they import from Iowa.[3]
 |
| Not quite as quaint as the Iowa farm girl, but my corn dealer is this couple from Minnesota selling some mighty fine corn out of the back of a pick-up truck. |
- Remove the green leaves and silk from two of the three ears of corn.
- Discard the greens, but save the silk for future use.[5]
- Wrap one of the ears in aluminum foil.
- Put charcoals in a grill and start them on fire.
- Put water and some salt in a pot and bring it to a boil on the stove.
- When the charcoals are hot, put the foil-wrapped ear and the un-husked ear on the grate directly over the coals. Roast for about 20 minutes, turning them three or four times.
- When the water on the stove comes to a rolling boil, put the third ear into the pot. Let it sit in the boiling water for about 12 minutes.
- When the cooking times have elapsed, remove all three ears from the heat sources.
- Peel the charred husks from the last un-peeled ear.
- Place all three ears on the nicest plate you have. Presentation is an important part of le mais cuisine.
- Speaking of presentation, garnish the plate with popcorn--a most underrated form of corn.
- Sprinkle salt and pepper on the corn and liberally slather it with butter.
 |
| A meal fit for a king! |
The Science Of Eating Corn-On-The Cob
There are many ways to eat corn-on-the-cob, but there is only one right way . . . the IOWA WAY. Time after time I've seen egregious mistakes made by inexperienced corn eaters from places like Nevada or Connecticut or Iceland. It almost makes me want to grab their plates and eat their corn for them.[6] Here is a summary of the IOWA WAY in two quick photos:
 |
| Do not chew around the ear as shown at the bottom of this picture. Do not take random bites like you see on the ear in the middle. The correct way to eat corn on the cob is to chew horizontally. Pretend it's a typewriter and peck at the kernels from left to right. THAT'S THE IOWA WAY! |
 |
| The two ears at the top were eaten by amateurs. They're messy and incomplete. The ear at the bottom was eaten the IOWA WAY--cleanly and efficiently--and the cob can be saved for future use.[7] |
A Very Brief Conclusion
This was actually the first time I've ever made all three of my awesome corn recipes at the same time, so it was kind of fun to judge which one was the best. And the winner of the side-by-side tasting contest is . . . . . The Ear That Was Roasted In The Husk! I guess the greenery provided a little extra pizzazz.
I hope you are inspired to try the different forms of corn and judge for yourself. And, as always, I thank you for reading my article and I hope you tune in next time.
************
Footnotes
[1] Assuming that country's citizens are starving enough.
[2] With one exception: Creamed corn is the worst crime ever committed upon the world of vegetabledom. Seriously, what kind of twisted mind would ever think of "creaming" such a majestic vegetable?
[3] Chef G. has no actual proof to back up his "high fructose corn syrup infusion" theory.
[4] This assertion is based on no historical evidence whatsoever.
[5] Back in the 1940's, kids who lived in the corn belt used to dry the silk, roll it up in cigarette papers, and smoke it for peace and relaxation. I'm not here to promote a revival of that practice, so please don't send me your hate mail. I'm just suggesting the silk can be used to create a discrete hair piece for bald guys like me.
[6] That wouldn't be sanitary though.
[7] Before toilet paper was invented, people used corn cobs for wiping purposes.
No comments:
Post a Comment