Hi folks, I'm Chef G. and I'd like to thank you for once again tuning in to The Chef G. Cooking Channel. I know many celebrity chefs have websites and TV shows for you to choose from, so I congratulate you on selecting the very best. Your excellent taste in blogs goes hand-in-hand with your excellent taste buds.
Many of my fans already know that I'm not only an amazing chef, but also an amazing bike rider. And, according to my mom and dad, I write amazingly about both of them. The thing that's MOST amazing is that I don't get paid for either one of my current professions. I guess that's because I actually LIKE doing those things. Which is nice because I worked for the same company for over half of my life, getting paid for stuff I DIDN'T like all that much. Fair enough I guess. As Ray Romano once said, "you're not supposed to like your job. That's why they have to pay you to do it."
Sorry for going off-topic. Back to biking. Every year since I retired from the job I used to get paid for, I've gone on a long-distance bicycle tour. I've pedaled across the U.S.A. from west-to-east and from south-to-north. I've toured the northern Great plains. The Great Lakes. Canada. The deserts of the American southwest. The Inland Northwest. Iowa. Cycling is the absolute best way to explore the country.
I do a lot of camping on my bike tours and one of the highlights is buying a locally produced bottle of wine along the way, hauling it to a campground, drinking the wine, and writing a wine review. It's fun.
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At this juncture, I should mention that I don't much care for wine. I'm more of a beer guy. But since I'm a major international chef, it is important for me to at least be familiar with wine stuff. Diners rely on us chefs for food pairings and for information about flavors, acidity, terroir and the best vintage for whatever varietal they're looking for. I rarely know the answers to their questions but, like most celebrity chefs, I just make shit up. Amateur oenophiles and the snooty gourmet crowd love to listen to the opinions of somebody who speaks of wine as if he was an ultra-confident sommelier.
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Have you ever read wine reviews in major newspapers or in food and wine magazines? If not, let me tell you, they are quite amusing. Oh, the aromas bouquets they conjure up. Oh, the flavors they imagine. Oh, the flowery prose they write in praise of the vintner.
Yes, it's ALWAYS praise. Have you ever read a totally negative wine review? I haven't. Wine reviews lose any meaning when every wine apparently has "great balance," "notable hints of delicious fruits," "excellent mouth feel," and "beautiful aeration." I suspect the editors of those food & wine publications don't want to jeopardize any advertising dollars by publishing a negative review.
I, on the other hand, have no advertisers, so I can rip on any wine I want. I have no hesitation in suggesting that all dry red wines taste pretty much the same, whether it's a $200 bottle from an elite region of France or a $10 bottle from a backwoods region of Arkansas. And I have no problem in saying THIS wine's aroma reminds me of the sweet scent of a chicken barn. Or THAT wine tastes like heaven . . . if heaven is a mold-infested peach. Kindly prose, faint praise and backhanded compliments are my stock in trade as America's Top Satirical Chef.
So, without further ado, I present to you my "Greatest Hits." Heck everybody has put out a greatest hits album--from Elvis to the Beatles to the Stones to Barry-Freakin'-Manilow--so why shouldn't I showcase MY works? After all, every one of them have reached #1 on The Bike Touring Wine Review charts.
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I know the readers of this blog are fans of food and wine--not people who ride a stinking bike. So I've made it easier for you. I've provided links to the wine review pages from my bicycle touring journals for your enjoyment. You'll see them very shortly, but first I'll post a little teaser. That way, you'll be able to see what kind of excellent wine writing you'll be in for if you do click on the links. If you're not interested after reading the teaser, then don't click on the links. It's as simple as that. Cheers!
Here are the links to the rest of them:
https://www.cycleblaze.com/journals/mntoma/a-wine-tasting-and-professional-review/
https://www.cycleblaze.com/journals/goingup/mississippi-no-longer-on-authors-shitlist/
https://www.cycleblaze.com/journals/nocomplaints/the-third-annual-local-wine-review/
https://www.cycleblaze.com/journals/iowamyth/forestville-state-park-mn-day-of-wine-and-roadses-the-only-one-who-thinks-thats-funny-is-me/
https://www.cycleblaze.com/journals/niceguy/little-missouri-national-grassland-buffalo-gap-the-fifth-annual-local-wine-review/
https://www.cycleblaze.com/journals/fullhouse/buckskin-mountain-state-park-arizona-where-i-hosted-my-sixth-consecutive-bike-tour-wine-tasting-event/
https://www.cycleblaze.com/journals/iowamyth/intermission-my-seventh-bike-touring-review-of-a-local-wine-b06/
https://www.cycleblaze.com/journals/dottedlines/my-eighth-annual-bike-touring-wine-event-and-a-review-of-the-local-product-4f1/
If, by some odd reason, you'd like to read the bike journals in their entirety, you can do so by clicking on the funny-looking thing below:
https://www.cycleblaze.com/profile/misterfun/
And then there is my first video wine review from my 2021 bike tour:
https://youtu.be/2yk4U6OZufo
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