Mongolian Beef, Chef G. Style

Hi folks, Chef G. here.  It has only been a day since my last episode, which makes this post unprecedented in the annals of Chef G. Cooking Channel history.  Let's just say, "I'm happier than a religious figure who has risen from the dead to be entertaining the world once again."

I'm not claiming to be a true religious figure but, let's face it, I DO have a huge cult-like following.

************

I've never been to Mongolia, and the only things I know about the Mongolian culture is that they know how to endure cold weather, they herd yaks, and they pretty much invented yurts.

Chef G. from Outer Mongolia.  Way, way out of Outer Mongolia.

A yak

A yurt

I assume Mongolians invented Mongolian Beef too, but I can't be sure of that.  I was more than a little disappointed when I learned General Tso's Chicken--a staple at every Chinese restaurant in America--does not even exist in China.  In the same way, could it be that Mongolian Beef has no relationship to authentic Mongolian cooking?  Probably, but I don't even want to know the truth about that.

Mongolian Beef is one of my go-to dishes when I eat at Asian restaurants--along with Szechuan Chicken, Pork Lo Mein, Sushi, and any Thai dish that includes noodles.

I'm going to assume AUTHENTIC Mongolian chefs use yak meat, not cow meat, when cooking over an open flame inside their yurts.  I have no access to yak meat here in Minnesota, and I don't have a yurt.  Therefore, I'll substitute cow meat and a cheap electric stove in a warm kitchen for this recipe.  

The first step is to add 1/4 cup of corn starch to 1/2 lb. of thinly sliced sirloin and shake it around in a zip-lock baggie.  (Similar to how my mom used to make Shake 'n Bake in the 1970's.)  Then stir fry the beef in a very hot pan.  When browned on both sides, set the beef aside.

Next, mix 1/2 cup of brown sugar with 1/2 cup of soy sauce.

Add minced ginger and garlic to the same bowl.

Whisk it all together

Here's a picture of the beef I set aside.

The next step is to add slivered carrots and sliced onions to the brown sugar, soy sauce, ginger & garlic mixture.  Cook for about two minutes.

Prepare some delicious Jasmine rice according to directions on the package.

Get some green onions and red pepper flakes ready.  They'll be used for garnish and extra flavor.

Add the reserved beef to the pan.  It will be looking delicious after a few minutes of stir frying.

Add the green onions and red chilis.  Then serve over the rice.

I'll tell you one thing right now.  My Mongolian Beef was delicious, whether it was authentic or not.  The meat was tender and perfectly browned, the sauce was absolutely perfect, the aromatic vegetables were aromatic, the carrots were a scrumptious addition, and the heat was just riiiiight.  I congratulated myself after eating it.  You can congratulate me too after you've cooked the recipe yourself.

Chef G. Makes A Sandwich

Hi folks, Chef G. here!  After a flurry of excellent food blogging back in June, I took a long, well-deserved summer vacation which included a couple of bicycle trips and lots of laziness.  Today, it's time to get back to the serious business of being a celebrity chef, and I'm surprisingly happy about going to work again.  In fact, I'm happier than a film buff who just watched five Coen Brothers movies in a row.  I'm happier than a drunken wine aficionado visiting Napa Valley.  I'm happier than a tyrannosaurus rex chowing down on mastodon meat.  

I could go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on about how happy I am, but I'm not going to.  That would be excessive.  I mean, all of my millions of fans know that I'm a humble man, a man of few words, a man who wouldn't go to such great lengths to lengthen a paragraph with unnecessary verbiage and dumb jokes.

************

Today's topic is sandwiches.  I've made several of them in past episodes.  Off hand, I can remember putting the unique Chef G. spin on a Juicy Lucy, a Reuben, a pizza burger, a grilled cheese with ham, a BLT and a chicken salad sandwich.  You can look up those recipes someday if you get really bored.  

I like sandwiches because good ones contain something from all of the food groups.  The BEST ones are heavy on the #1 most important food group--meat.

Last week, Mrs. Chef G. and I brought my dad to a fast-food restaurant called "Freddies Frozen Custard & Steak Burgers" in Waterloo, Iowa.  To my surprise, my dad ordered a Pork Tenderloin Sandwich.  It was one of the few items on the menu other than variations on "steak burgers."  (By the way, what they call "steak burgers" looked and tasted an awful lot like what I call "hamburgers."  Don't worry, though, I didn't go so far as to register a complaint with management about it.)  

Anyway, my dad's pork tenderloin sandwich is what gave me the idea to try making one of those middle American delicacies for my cooking blog.  I've had one of those monsters in the past, and it was okay at best.  However, that thing my dad was eating looked a lot better than my Freddies Original Double, which consisted of not one, but two patties of steak burger.  Maybe a PTS was worth a try?

************

It seems small town diners in states like Texas, Oklahoma, Iowa and Indiana take great pride in their versions of the Pork Tenderloin Sandwich--especially when it comes to how far they can extend the breaded greasy meat beyond the bun.

Here are a couple of PTS pictures I stole from the internet.

I think they try to use small hamburger buns to emphasize the largeness of the meat.

No bun on earth could cover this thing.  In the Pork Tenderloin Sandwich world, bigger is better, I guess.

Chef G. F--ks Up and Settles for a Substitute Sandwich

Note the humiliation and dumbfoundedness on Chef G.'s face after he realized he wasn't infallible after all.

Oh yeah, I planned all along to slice up a big pork tenderloin, pound the slices into flat slabs, dip the slabs into egg & milk & bread crumbs, and fry them in hot oil.  

Unfortunately, this afternoon I found that I forgot to defrost the pork tenderloin I had in the freezer.  As a result, everything I've written about pork tenderloin sandwiches so far is all for nothing. 

Never one to waste perfectly good words and paragraphs, I could not bring myself to hit the "Cancel Post" button.  So, I scrambled to find ingredients to make a substitute sandwich.  Luckily, I had enough stuff in my refrigerator to make a passable Philadelphia Cheese Steak Sandwich.  Here are a few photos of how I made my substitute sandwich--they're a testament to my impromptu cooking genius:

I sliced some sirloin steak as thin as possible.

Onions are the second most important ingredient after the steak.

I didn't have the third most important ingredient for my ad lib recipe--that would be green peppers.  Therefore, salt and pepper became the third and fourth most important ingredients.

Heat up some olive oil.

Get some shredded cheese ready.  Provolone is the cheese of choice for Philadelphia Cheese Steak experts.  I didn't have Provolone.  In the heat of the moment, I had to go with Mozzarella.

Slice a decent bakery bun in half and assemble the Philly Cheese Steak.

The meat and onions are ready to scoop onto the bun.

I sprinkled the Mozzarella on top and chowed down on one of my best sandwiches ever.

So, I guess you could say I pulled the old bait & switch trick.  Sorry about that.  Chef G.'s pork tenderloin sandwich will have to wait for a future episode.  I believe I have the ability to make the biggest one anybody has ever seen.   

 

COOL CHEF COOKS COOL DISH, PART 2: The Outlaw Chef G.

Hi folks, Chef G. here, and I'm as happy as an innocent man who escaped police custody to be here for this Chef G. Cooking Channel presentation.  In case you're not one of the millions of fans who watched the last episode of my brilliant cooking show, I actually was an innocent man taken into custody. I'll bring you up to date. 

When I was concluding my post about a cool, light, and refreshing salad, I was about to reveal the cool, light and refreshing dish I was planning to make next time.  Suddenly, a horde of masked law enforcement personnel burst onto the scene, cut off my broadcast, and arrested me for "treason."

 I've been sensing a revolution at the Chef G. Cooking Channel for a while now.  Just look at how the network bigwigs brought in a substitute host recently.  I mean, really, a substitute for ME--the finest celebrity chef in my neighborhood.  And don't forget how they forced me to star in some of the stupidest advertisements in internet history, just to raise a little revenue. It's all about money for those bastards.

 Or is it something more nefarious?  Something like a conspiracy to humiliate me, make me look like a sell-out, tarnish my noble reputation, and oust me from my position as the face of The Chef G. Cooking Channel? 

I know who they are. They're a cabal of oligarchs, right wing celebrity chefs who are jealous of my success, and a couple of rogue Chef G. Cooking Channel producers.  Their goal is to silence my liberal cooking philosophy, and to permanently remove me from my own show and replace me with their KING who adheres to the "Cooking Project 2025."

 The worst part is that their leader seems to be a little unhinged.  Yup, even more unhinged than ME.

************ 

Despite their unconstitutional efforts, I am back to cook again.  I used my strongly strong strength to break the handcuffs and escape the custody of the secret police.  A few days later, I reunited with my camera crew who fully supports my free speech rights to share my cooking genius with the entire world.  

Thanks to my one-man camera crew, I am able to broadcast this episode from an undisclosed location.

************ 

SPRING ROLLS

A long time ago, Son of Chef G. made spring rolls for Mrs. Chef G. and me. They were delicious.  I can't believe it took me more than two decades to make a batch of them myself.  I might never have made them had I not been looking for a dish that was "cool, light & refreshing" last week.  Spring rolls require quite a bit of work, and today I had more time than I had last week when I settled for a delicious salad.

I learned spring rolls are a very versatile dish.  The only requirement is a package of rice papers.  Beyond that, you can wrap pretty much any kind of chopped meats and/or vegetables inside the rice paper.  Then you can serve them cold, or you can steam them, or you can fry them, or you can bake them.  

Here is a photodocumentary about how I made Chef G-Style Spring Rolls.

 

The first thing you need is a package of spring roll wrappers, aka, rice paper.

Then you can chop up pretty much any kind of meat and vegetables you want to put inside the wrapper.  I used ground pork, carrot, cabbage, green onion, red pepper flakes, garlic and ginger.  I mixed them all together with a little soy sauce and hoisin sauce.

Another ingredient you'll want is rice vermicelli.  I added that to my meat/veggie/sauce mix.

Dip one of the rice papers in water to make it more pliable.  Fill it with 2 or 3 tablespoons of the meat/vegetable mixture.  Fold the ends toward the middle and roll it up from the bottom like a burrito.

This is what they'll look like.  I served half of them cold.  They were delicious.

 

I fried the other half.  They didn't turn out so good.  They fell apart on me.  Maybe I need a little more practice in the art of deep frying.

I forgot to mention that I mixed up a dipping sauce for the fried spring rolls.  I also forgot how I made it.

Technically, I'm still a fugitive.  The good news is that I LIKE being a fugitive.  It adds a little excitement to my life, and I cannot wait to transmit my next episode from another secret location somewhere in the world.

    

Cool Chef Cooks Cool Dish

 

Hi folks, Chef G. here, and I'm as happy as an upside-down Wes Anderson fan to be back with another episode of the Chef G. Cooking Channel.  Indeed, I AM a Wes Anderson fan and this afternoon I saw his latest film, "The Phoenician Scheme."  I'm not going to say it was his BEST movie, but it sure had that Anderson visual ouvre, plus, some of the weirdest dialogue I've heard since, well, ever.

You probably didn't know I'm almost as famous for being a great movie critic as I am for being an amazing chef.  It's true, I am!  So please indulge me for a minute while I try to explain how my movie review talent relates to food.  

You see, Mrs. Chef G. and I downed a bucket of movie theater popcorn while watching the film.  It seems I am incapable of going to a movie without blowing $11.00 on that stuff.  The smell of it is irresistible and the first few handfuls are so tasty.  Everything changes, though, when about half the bucket has been eaten.  I start feeling queasy and bloated.  Yet, for some reason I keep munching on those salty, oily, yellow kernels until they're all gone.  When will I ever learn to stop this obsessive popcorn-eating disorder? 

(I really should start sneaking my own home-popped popcorn into the theater.  That stuff tastes better, is healthier, and I can eat it all day.)

Moving on, Mrs. Chef G. and I discussed the movie while driving home.  The entire time, my intelligent analysis was distracted by the thought of what to make for dinner.  I wanted something cold, light, and refreshing to counteract the unpleasant aftermath of the popcorn, which I could still feel all the way from my esophagus to my lower intestine.  My first thought was a traditional lettuce salad, which would have worked, but I wanted to try something different than that old standby.

Once home, I went onto the interweb to find a recipe to meet my "cold, light & refreshing" specifications.  There were some interesting choices, but one stood out above all the rest--mainly because it had an Asian element and it included watermelon, which we already had in the refrigerator.

I didn't have a few of the ingredients, however, and I did not feel like making a trip to the grocery store.  So, using my master chef knowledge, I made a few substitutions.  The result was exquisite.

I chopped up the following (clockwise from the top):  Watermelon, carrot, cherry tomatoes, some leftover grilled chicken, an avocado, a little red onion, and, in the middle, green leaf lettuce. 

I made a vinegarette with soy sauce, red wine vinegar, olive oil, lime juice, garlic, and sriracha sauce.

Here is what my salad looked like in the end.  It was sweet, sour, savory and tasty.  Best of all, it did a fine job of counteracting my over-indulgence of movie theater popcorn.
 

Next time, get ready for another interesting recipe I found while looking for something "cold, light, and refreshing."  It will be my first attempt at making . . . wait, what the hell is going on here . . . 

(We're sorry, Chef G. has just been detained for revealing classified information about upcoming programs.  This is a clear act of treason.  Please tune in next week for details. Sincerely, The Chef G. Cooking Channel Censorship Team.)

Chef G. Grills Himself

 

Hi folks, Chef G. here.  After taking a couple months off, I am I'm happier than a robin pulling a big ol' worm out of the ground to be back.  At least the robin I watched this morning seemed to be pretty happy with his catch.  It made me wonder how tasty a worm might be.  I mean, robins and sunfish seem to like 'em quite a lot.  Why couldn't a food lover--me for example--like them too?  

One of these days, I'm going to have to dig up a couple of nightcrawlers, season them with a special dry rub created especially for worms by the great Chef G., toss them on the grill, gently turn them over every few seconds, and top them off with a touch of barbeque sauce.  My mouth is watering just thinking about it.

************

I can't explain those introductory words.  They came out of a nowhere-land of absurd stream-of-chefery thought.  In reality, I would NEVER even CONSIDER eating the guts of an ugly, veiny, juicy, gelatinous, slimy, grimy, puke-inducing animal, no matter how well it was prepared and grilled.

But it did provide the opportunity to segue into what I've been grilling during my absence from the Chef G. Cooking Channel.

Yeah, I'm a grill master.  Everybody knows that--especially ME. Today, I'm not going to post any recipes.  I'm just going to show some pictures of the delicious meats I've been grilling. Meats are ME!  In fact, you can't spell the word "meats" without starting it with "me."

Also, the title of this post and the first picture are misleading.  I didn't really grill myself.  I should have said, "I grilled BY myself."  Nobody helps me grill.

    

This was my best batch of pork loin yet.  After chowing it down, I vowed to grill this underrated cut more often.

I love grilled baby back ribs.  I featured them in a previous episode of the Chef G. Cooking Channel.  Spareribs are pretty good too.  But I seem to have forgotten about Country Style Pork Ribs.  They're really, really good when grilled under the tender loving care of Chef G.

They look pretty innocent here . . .

. . . but on the grill they look guilty of deliciousness.

Pork isn't the only meat I grill.  Fish meat is equally awesome when cooked over charcoals, but fish meat requires a little more attention.  The photo below proves the attentive care I gave to my grilled salmon.  It was my best batch yet.  The baked potato was equally fine.  I can't explain it, but a potato grilled over charcoals is 65% better than a potato baked in the oven.

Meats are the basic building blocks of grilling, but potato and onion concoction is next in line.

Yesterday morning, at 6:00 a.m., I rubbed a small beef brisket with a Chef G. mix of brown sugar, garlic powder, onion powder, cayenne pepper, paprika, black pepper, and a big dose of my favorite seasoning . . . salt.

By 7:00 a.m., the charcoals were ready to start cooking my brisket.  Low and slow is the mantra among the grill masters who love to cook big chunks of meat such as beef brisket and pork shoulder.  I know that.  But this time, I didn't pay enough attention.  I think I let the temperature get too high, and the result was not my best batch of brisket.  It had nice bark and flavor, but it was too dry.

There you go.  Not even the best chef in the world is perfect every single time--no matter what those famous celebrity chefs will try to make you believe.    

Tasty, but a little dry.

I was tired of typing, so I poured a glass of ale from the Blackstone Brewery of North St. Paul, Minnesota.  It wasn't MY 3rd Anniversary, but a couple weeks ago Mrs. Chef G. and I celebrated our 42nd anniversary.

Not Exactly Huevos Rancheros, But Close Enough For Chef G.

 

Hi folks, Chef G. here, and I'm happier than a Martian with a new flying saucer to be back on the Chef G. Cooking Channel.  If you saw the awful episode that aired last month, you already know I wasn't on it.  You also know it was hosted by a dude named Chef L.  You also know the Chef L. dude made some outrageous claims about me and my show.  What you DON'T know are the true facts behind my absence that day.  Before I get to today's recipe, I must set the record straight.

• FALSE FACT #1:  Chef L. reported that I didn't show up for work that day, so the producers had to scramble to find a replacement.
• TRUE FACT:  If my producers really wanted to find me, all they had to do was stop by my mansion.  With that minimal bit of effort, they could have heard my excuse.  I would have explained how I had a recipe idea involving a rare strain of Mexican mushrooms and I needed to learn more about them.  After a long night of totally legit cooking related research, I fell into a deep slumber in my beanbag chair while listening to Pink Floyd on the headphones.
• FALSE FACT #2:  Chef L. claimed The Chef G. Cooking Channel's ratings have stagnated under my leadership.
• TRUE FACT:  What he conveniently failed to mention is that the ratings have steadily risen in the all-important doofus/dork/dipshit demographic.  (Also known as, the DDDD.)
• FALSE FACT #3:  Chef L. made the accusation that my show was forced to accept commercial advertising in order to support what he called my "lavish lifestyle."
• TRUE FACT:  If you call basic needs like a private jet and a 400-foot yacht "lavish," you are out of touch with the realities of the celebrity chef world.  It's important that I travel all over the globe to learn more about cooking food so I can teach others about cooking food.  I do so not for me, but for YOU. 
• FALSE FACT #4:  Chef L. implied The Chef G. Cooking Channel is going to continue using a series of guest hosts this year.
• TRUE FACT:  That is nothing more than a conspiracy theory propagated by Elon and Don.  I have a conspiracy theory of my own.  I heard that Elon & Don were putting pressure on my production team to turn against me.  They wanted me off the air because they considered me to be a member of the "liberal Hollywood elite."  I have evidence: 

My camera man secretly caught this interaction between the two oligarchs.

Well, I stood up to those bastards and reclaimed my blog for the good of free speech and for the good of the people who love delicious Chef G. food.  I can only hope the U.S. Congress can muster the guts to stand up to them as well.  

************  

I'm going to make a Mexican dish today.  At least for now huevos rancheros is still considered a Mexican dish.  Who knows when the Elon/Don administration will try to re-classify it as an "American Dish?"  (See the Gulf of America stupidity.)  

My dish will be similar to Huevos Rancheros, except that I'm not going to mix the huevos, the chorizo, the pico de gallo, and some other ingredients for which I do not know the Spanish words.  That way, I can satisfy the different tastes of ME, Mrs. Chef G, and Son of Chef G. who is visiting us this month.  

I already know Mrs. Chef G. won't like the spicy chorizo sausage.  Son of Chef G. is not a fan of avocado.  Chef G. himself, though, selfishly likes everything he'll be preparing.  The great thing about my recipe is that each one of us can choose his or her own delicious ingredients to put on our plates.  NICE!

Probably the most important thing is to make your pico de gallo a day in advance.  That gives the flavors of tomato, onion, garlic, cilantro, orange bell pepper, jalapeno pepper, and lime juice time to meld in the refrigerator overnight.

I don't mean to brag, but my pico de gallo salsa is the BEST.

The real fun begins the next day.  That's when you go to the local food co-op and buy some organic eggs, onions, avocados, and Beeler's chorizo sausage.  I specify Beeler's because I just read that company has been "raising the perfect pig since Iowa became a state."  In addition, it's "quite possibly the best tasting chorizo on the planet."  I'm too lazy to verify either one of those claims but, being an Iowa expat, I'm willing to accept them as a true facts.

When you get home, put about 1/2 pound of the Iowa chorizo sausage into a hot pan, break it up, and cook it for exactly eight minutes.  Then set it aside for the next steps.

Crack a bunch of eggs into a bowl with a 1/4 cup of milk and a couple dashes of salt and pepper.  Whisk it all like crazy.  

After admiring the result of your whisking, pour the egg mixture into a pan with melted butter.  For tenderest and fluffiest results, don't stir the eggs, fold them.

Next, cut open an avocado, remove the pit, and slice the cool green fruit.

You can garnish with green onions and cilantro if you want.  You can eat the components separately if you want.  You can stir them all together if you want.  You can also put the ingredients on top of a tortilla and add refried beans if you want.  In other words, with Chef G.'s version of Huevos Rancheros you can do whatever you want. 

Thank you for watching, and please pay attention to the following ad from one of my big-money sponsors.

********Advertisement********

If you've been looking for an economical alternative to butcher shops and grocery stores for your beef, look no further.   FREAKY BULL DISCOUNT RED MEAT is the #1 brand for hamburger, steaks & roasts among cost-conscious carnivores like you.  Our company bypasses the USDA to bring you the best uninspected meat money can buy.   Please visit our on-line catalog and place your order today.  Once we receive your order, your delicious red meat will be carefully packed in fairly clean newspaper and shipped from our balmy sweatshop to your front porch within 30 days. (Sorry, we cannot guarantee a refrigerated truck for shipment. For best and safest results, we recommend grilling your Freaky Bull Discount Red Meat to “extra well done.”)

********End of advertisement********