A STEAK? OR A DEADLY WEAPON?

Hi folks, Chef G. here.  Today's offering is easily the most dangerous dish ever prepared on The Chef G. Cooking Channel, so I don't have time for the tomfoolery that usually goes on in my introductory segments.  Let's get right down to business, shall we?

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Yesterday, I went to a place that I find quite fascinating.  The place is called "Cossetta's" and it's an Italian food complex that takes up about half of a city block in downtown St. Paul.  It includes a pizzeria, an antipasto bar, a full-fledged Italian restaurant, great crusty breads from the in-house bakery, and a little alimentari (market).  Is it any wonder that an ersatz celebrity chef like me would be attracted to such a place?

The alimentari was the focus of today's visit.  When not dealing with customers, many of the employees speak Italian to each other.  It has some really cool stuff.  My favorite section was the olive oil aisle.  It has something like 100 varieties of imported olive oil, some of which are over $100 dollars a bottle.  Some of the olive oils are sold in gallon-sized tins that resemble the gallon-sized containers of highly flammable, highly toxic solvents I used to sell before I retired from the world's largest paint company. 

The alimentari also has a small, but very enticing, butcher shop.  I perused the fine looking meats, doing my best to control my drooling.  After much hesitation, I finally decided to splurge on a $60 chunk of meat.

That was very uncharacteristic of me.  After all, I pride myself on being a Chef of the Common Man.  But, damn, it was so well-marbled, so exotic, so beautiful . . . and so DANGEROUS!

It's a bone-in ribeye--sometimes called a Tomahawk Steak.  I call it a Three-Pound Sledge Hammer.  You could crack a skull with this thing.

I took great care while handling the steak, lest I crack my own skull.  My greater fear, however, was having such an expensive steak and not cooking it to perfection.  I shouldn't have worried.  Not even I could ruin a 3-inch thick chunk of prime beef. 

Here's how I did it:

I carefully unwrapped the bludgeon and put it on a broiler pan.  

 

I let it warm to room temperature.  Then I seasoned it liberally with sea salt and freshly ground black pepper while waiting for the oven to heat up to "broil."

Sear the steak under direct heat for 3 minutes on each side.  They say that will lock in the delicious juices.  Sounds good to me.

After the searing, turn the oven down to 275-degrees and cook for another 20-minutes.  When you pull it out, the billyclub should look something like this.

It looks good enough to dig in right now.  But DON'T DO IT!

You must--YOU MUST--cover your giant caveman steak under an aluminum foil tent.  The meat will continue to cook in there and distribute its juices for another ten minutes.

Then you can start slicing up your tomahawk to serve your guests.  In this case, my guests were me and Mrs. Chef G.  We barely ate half of that monstrosity.  Luckily, we both love cold steak the next day.

Steak and a tossed salad with green stuff, cucumbers, carrots, and dressing.  That's all you need.

I know there are a lot of pictures of meat here.  I also know I have legions of vegetarian fans.  To you folks, I apologize.  I'm a vegetarian in spirit, but a carnivore by nature.  For more on that, you can go back and read about my meat-atarianism. https://chefgcooks.blogspot.com/2021/04/confessions-of-meat-eater.html

STEAK TACOS: FUN FOOD FOR FANATICAL FOOTBALL FANS

Hi folks, Chef G. here, and welcome to a very special celebration here on The Chef G. Cooking Channel.  That's right, today I'm celebrating my 30th installment on this amazingly ridiculous blog!  In addition, it is Super Bowl Sunday.  Plus, it's been a month since I've delighted you with one of my wonderfully bizarre cooking episodes.  I'm glad (and surprised) to see you've come back for more. 

Fanatical football fans . . . sheesh!  I was one of them in my teen-age years.  Back then, I watched every football game that aired on television.  I could name the starting line-up for every NFL team.  I collected all of their football cards and studied the statistics contained therein.  One of the most devastating days of the first 20 years of my life was January 11, 1970.  That's the infamous date in which the Kansas City Chiefs defeated my beloved Minnesota Vikings in Super Bowl IV.

My football fanaticism has decreased quite a bit since those days.  About the only games I watch now are the ones in which I root for the Viking to win and the ones in which I root for their arch-rival--the Green Bay Packers--to lose.  I do have to admit, however, that some of my intensity increases during the NFL playoffs.  That's when my fanaticism turns to the kind of fun food to make for the ultimate contest--The Super Bowl.  

When the Vikings aren't in the Super Bowl, which has been the case every year for about four decades now, I generally don't give a rat's ass who wins the big game.  Such is the case again this year.

I'll watch the game, of course, but my real Super Bowl fun is in the food.  I've made chili, chicken wings, nachos, jambalaya, a shrimp boil, pizza, and other fun foods in the past.  This year I'm going with Tacos.  Not Taco Bell-style tacos, though.  They'll be more like the tacos you buy from the window of a ramshackle taco truck. 

Chef G's Ramshackle Taco Truck

I started by chopping up 1-1/2 lbs. of sirloin steak into small chunks and putting them into a bowl. I added a tablespoon of olive oil, two tablespoons of soy sauce, two tablespoons of lime juice, two teaspoons of chili powder, one teaspoon of ground cumin, and two cloves of minced garlic.  Then I thoroughly mixed all that stuff up with my hands and transferred it to a zip-lock bag and put the mixture in the refrigerator.

After two hours in the fridge, pour the mixture into a pan and stir fry over medium-high heat for about 5-6 minutes.  Then turn the heat down to Low.

By the time I chopped up some tomato, onion and cilantro, the simmering steak was ready for me to assemble the tacos.

The assembly involves nothing more than spooning some steak onto corn tortillas and topping it with the diced onions, tomatoes, and cilantro.

Almost too pretty to eat

The Los Angeles Rams vs. The Cincinnati Bengals.  I suppose I'll root for Cincinnati because I view the Rams as being the Yankees of the NFL.  On the other hand, I've always liked their quarterback, Matthew Stafford.  But who cares?  The real highlight will be the food. 

Who cares?

Oh, if only the Vikings were playing!

BOEUF BOURGUIGNON A L'ETAT DU WISCONSIN

Hi folks, my name is Chef G and I'm the awesome star of this cooking show.  I'm a bragger, I know that.  Some people call me "The Host With the Most Boast."  It's true!  That aside, I'm excited to be your master of ceremonies for this very special episode because it brings me back to my French roots.

As you know, the French are famous for practically inventing the art of fine dining.  Look at some of the most important words in the lexicon of cooking--gourmet, gourmand, haute cuisine, bon appetit, au jus, a la mode, prix fixe, sous chef, saute, soupcon, sommelier, a la carte, roux--they're all French terms.  

French chefs have a big advantage over chefs from any other country.  Their language can make ordinary food sound beautiful.  For example:  Baked chicken wings are Ailes de poulet au four.

Even more impressive is how they can make the most disgusting dishes you can think of sound like exquisite delicacies:  Escargots et vers sautes a la graisse de porc.  (Snails and worms fried in pig fat.)

The same is true for the dish I am making today.  Basically, Boeuf Bourguignon is a fancy name for chunks of cow meat stewed in wine.

In true French snobbery, the wine must come from the Burgundy (Bourgogne) region of France.  I guess that area is pretty famous for wine grapes and wine production.  Good for them, but I will not be using French wine for today's dish.

Wisconsin is pretty famous for wine making too--at least in Wisconsin.  And a couple days ago I received a bottle of cooking wine from Door County, Wisconsin as a gift.  I could not wait to try it out.

Normally, I do not cook with wine.  In fact, I've NEVER cooked with wine.  Beer yes, wine no.  But I'm all for expanding my horizons--especially since my recently married friends, Jose' and Mary, gave me this bottle.

It's a cooking wine made from Cabernet Sauvignon grapes that were grown in my neighboring state of Wisconsin.  The wine was not the only adaptation I made for my rendition of what we in the mid-west call "beef stew."

I went to the internet to find some recipes for boeuf bourguignon, which is the only dish I could think of that uses wine.  As per usual, I adapted the best features from several of those recipes to create the incredible Chef G. recipe you are about to see.

Let's start with the ingredients:

Clockwise from the top: boeuf bouillon, porc bacon, chunks of boeuf.

Clockwise from the beer (which was consumed for fun, but not used in the recipe):  Salt, Door County Chef's Wine, flour, Italian egg noodles, black pepper, onions, bay leaves, thyme, carrots, garlic, mushrooms.  (Not pictured: tomato paste)

To begin, you'll want to put three strips of chopped up bacon into a cast iron pot.  Heat it up until the bacon renders its fat.  Add a full cup of coarsely chopped onion and saute for about five minutes.  Add two cloves of smooshed garlic and saute for another five minutes.  Then transfer the onion and garlic to a bowl.

Onions, garlic, bacon.  (French chefs use pearl onions.  I hate pearl onions.)

Add two pounds of top sirloin, which you've cut into 1" chunks, into the same cast iron pot.  Cook and stir for about 2 minutes on each side.  Sprinkle 2 tablespoons of flour, 1/2 teaspoon of thyme, and lots of salt and pepper over the boeuf.  Stir thoroughly.  Add 1 tablespoon of tomato paste and stir thoroughly again.

Here is where you get to use the Door County cooking wine.  (Note: If you don't have access to Door County cooking wine, I suppose you could use some of that French Burgundy stuff . . . or even a decent Cabernet or Pinot Noir.  Heck, use Mad Dog 20-20 if you want.  I'm not a stickler.  Truth be told, I don't know wine from Shinola.)

Pour one cup of Door County Cabernet cooking wine and one cup of boeuf broth into the pot and stir well.  Bring the concoction to a boil, cover the pot, then reduce heat and simmer for two hours.

After the two hours, return the onions and garlic to the pot.  Add two carrots which have been chopped up into large pieces and 8 ounces of sliced fresh mushrooms.  I cannot emphasize enough that you MUST NOT use canned mushrooms.  Enough said.  

Simmer all that stuff for another 40 minutes.  In the meantime, cook about 12 oz. of egg noodles according to package directions.  Make them al dente.

Does that look like a work of art, or what?  If there is a heaven, Julia Childs and Jacque Pepin are probably drooling over this boeuf bourguignon a l'etat du Wisconsin recipe right now.

To serve, spoon some Wisconsin beef stew over a bunch of noodles.

Holy crap!  You'll be amazed at how tender the boeuf is and how flavorful the other ingredients are.  Bon Apetit!

CORNISH GAME HENS ARE LIKE MINIATURE OSTRICHES

Hi folks, in case you've forgotten, my name is Chef G. and I'm the pompous braggart who hosts this program.  It's great to see so many of you loyal viewers tuning in month after month, week after week, episode after episode.  I have to believe you appreciate my delicious recipes, my nostalgic stories, my impeccable cooking techniques, and my sparkling personality almost as much as I do.

My inspiration for today's episode derives from the wonderful world of poultry.  That's right, we are going to roast a couple of miniature ostriches.

Actually, they aren't so much miniature ostriches as they are miniature turkeys, which is perfect timing because Christmas will be here in two days.  More turkeys are cooked on Christmas Day than any other day except Thanksgiving.  (I don't have any real proof of that assertion other than my own gut feeling.)

But, as a world famous chef, I've got to be honest.  While it's true I'm going to be cooking a bird, this dish involves a bird that is more like a mini-chicken than a mini-ostrich or mini-turkey.  In fact, technically speaking, it truly IS a small species of chicken.

It's called a Cornish Game Hen, which is a more pretentious term than "miniature chicken."  Cornish Game Hens, like chickens, are 4.5 times tastier than turkeys and ostriches.  Therefore, I highly recommend you throw out the turkey you were planning to cook for Christmas dinner, and pick up a few of these hens.  (You'll be able to distinguish them from chickens because they're only about 1/4 the size.)

The very BEST thing about Cornish Game Hens is the coolness factor.  I mean, how could your guests' plates look any cooler than having an entire roasted bird on it?  Certainly not by having a couple slices of dry turkey breast on it!

Let's get down to the prep, shall we?

After defrosting the game hens (sad to say, it's very rare to find fresh ones in American grocery stores) rinse them in cold water, pat them dry, and season them inside and out.  I put together a mix of dried sage, paprika, pepper and plenty of salt for my seasoning.  My wife, Mrs. Chef G., prefers no seasoning at all.  She has the blandest tastes I've ever known--aside from my Swedish grandma.

Transfer the seasoned birds to the rack of your roasting pan.  At this point you can add your favorite stuffing to the rear cavity.  I've made a great wild rice stuffing in the past, but then I discovered an even better stuffing--onion wedges.  They add excellent flavor and aroma to the meat.  (Of course, stuffing of any kind is totally optional.)

Preheat your oven to 350-degrees (F).  (Note how Chef G. uses a regular household oven--not a fancy- pants restaurant oven like most of the other celebrity chefs use.  Chef G. is a man of the people.)

Roast in the oven, breast side up, for about 70 minutes and it will look something like this.  Let them rest for five more minutes before serving.

Serve with saffron rice topped with a bit of olive oil.  Add a green vegetable if that's your thing.  This meal pairs well with a good Chardonnay, I think.  It pairs better with a good IPA, I KNOW.

In conclusion, your family members will absolutely LOVE eating their own individual mini-turkeys.  Take the actual turkey you were planning to serve, and save it for another occasion--like your annual neighborhood block party.  The dogs will love it.